Curse of the Piazza

Book Review: "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christopher Moore

2012-02-22T19:17:00.000-08:00

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh." (Voltaire)

As much as I'd love to delve into the Dostoevsky burning a hole in my to-read bookshelf, I've been extremely busy lately and the arduous task of having to actually critically think while reading is terrifying to me. I've currently got 10,000 things flying through my head at once -- dense themes and motifs simply have no room at this moment.

That's why I picked up this book. It's a fairly easy read (though at 400+ pages, certainly not a quick one) but it's also goofy, irreverent, and supremely entertaining. When yo live in D.C. everything around you seems to be in do-or-die mode. Everyone drives like they're escorting a politician. Everyone boards the subway like they're off to meet a politician. Everyone acts like a dick like... well... like they're a politician. It was nice to take a few hours out of my everyday routine to get lost in something silly and absurd, namely the zany Gospel of Levi bar Alphaeus who is called Biff.

Lamb runs on a simple premise. During the 20-30 year span of Jesus' life unaccounted for in the four biblical Gospels, he embarked on a grand journey that took him as far as the east coast of India, immersing himself in the teachings of eastern philosophy while trying to understand how to be the Messiah and deliver his people to freedom. The whole entire time, walking right next to him, was his wise-cracking best friend Biff.

Author Christopher Moore, who spent years researching first century Israel in order to accurately portray his comedy's backdrop, paints an imaginative saga filled with characters often thought of as the stuff of legends (Simon-Paul, Judas, Jesus himself - though accurately called Joshua in the book) in the most human way possible. Moore gives Jesus/Joshua something hugely lacking in any of the Gospels - a personality. He is passionate, emotional, and loving just like the Jesus of Luke, John, Mark, and Matthew, but also self-effacing, jocular, and even existentially distressed at times with the humongous weight on his shoulders.

The Jesus of the Gospels performs miracles like they were going out of style, and conducted himself in a manner that basically said, "of course I can raise the dead, I'm freaking Jesus - this shouldn't shock you." Moore's Joshua struggles with mastering his amazing abilities during his teen years, then ponders the philosophical implications that go along with being the one man on Earth who can conquer nature. He is often plagued with guilt at his inability to save people, almost like Batman reading through the newspaper in the morning and seeing reports of all the muggings he could have prevented if only he had not been handicapped by being a mortal.

Joshua, Messiah and all, is still just a man and subject to all the torments and conflicts men face in their lives. Faced with an angel's command that he must never know women, the thirteen year-old Joshua struggles with his teenage body's urge for sex. Teenage Joshua also deals with other real life problems: issues with bullies, family struggles, and social injustice, among them. And despite being the Son of Man, Joshua ends up needing his buddy Biff to help him through tough times and dire straits.

Ah, Biff. Biff is the real star of the show here. It is, after all, his Gospel and he's a vital player in all the action. His narration is filled with clever insights and wisecracks (and profanity, including from the mouth of the Messiah himself!) as well as details of his bountiful (though not necessarily respectable) romantic conquests. He is Joshua's best friend and has Christ's back throughout the tale, following him from Nazareth to Antioch to Kabul to China to Calcutta and back. Biff comes through in the clutch multiple times, his bluntness and ingenuity a perfect compliment to Joshua's whimsical naivety. Their chemistry together forms the backbone of the novel and reinforces the most enjoyable elements.

The story is quite absurd (that's the point after all), with plot points ranging from a love triangle between the two friends and Mary Magdalene (another childhood friend and not a prostitute, that's a common misconception, affectionately called Maggie) to Joshua's friendship with the last of the yetis (I couldn't make that up).

Along the way, Joshua and Biff learn from the mythical three magi about the Buddha, the Divine Spark (which later becomes the Holy Ghost per a recommendation from John the Baptist), and kung fu, of all things.

The novel falters in places. You can tell that Moore was more keen on writing some parts than others as detail wanes in certain sections of the book (most notably in India). The entire ending of the book is kind of a train wreck, as if perhaps the author ran out of time on a deadline or hit his page quota too soon or quite simply didn't know a better way to end the damn thing (though I could probably offer ten-thousand better suggestions). Lamb could certainly have been better edited and the text put through an additional rewrite to reconstruct portions of the book that become stale. This is my biggest gripe with the novel; there's an imbalance between vision (phenomenal idea) and execution (lackluster delivery at times).

Aside from those qualms, I still really enjoyed Lamb and feel it more than served its purpose as a fun, entertaining diversion to counter the rigorous academic stuff grad school shoves down my throat. I'd definitely recommend it if you like off-beat comic writing, the works of Vonnegut or Douglas Adams, or the portions of The Master & Margarita involving Yeshua Ha-Nozri and Pontius Pilate.

One last point that should be covered: Moore had every opportunity here to bash Christianity and Judaism or blasphemously make a mockery of the Jesus story. He masterfully avoided that route and wrote Lamb as a light absurdist satire that is actually pro-religion in more ways than it is anti-religion. The tone is good-natured and Jesus/Joshua is portrayed positively. I think this is a phenomenally fascinating read for those who appreciate religious mythology but don't necessarily buy into all the caveats of organized faith. I can't get behind a god that for some odd reason hates gay people, but I most certainly can get behind a Christ who knows kung fu. -RM-

New Music Plus Links To Downloads

2012-02-07T12:13:00.000-08:00

I'm back to writing and recording music again. I'm currently instrument-less here in Maryland but with the magical powers of technology I've managed to leap that hurdle.

The name Red Stripe Radio doesn't mean anything. I just like the way those words sound together.

"Tearin' Up My Heart" was, I'm not embarrassed to say, my first "favorite song" back when I about 8 years old. It's got this bad stigma attached to it now because of the way we look back at the boy band era, but the song itself has legs and great potential for experimentation. The late 90s to the mid 00s hold a lot of cherished memories of my childhood and adolescence. I think this cover bridges the gap between what made me happy once as a kid and what fuels my passions today at 22.

If you check out this page, you can listen to/download some rough recordings of other songs as well: http://www.last.fm/music/Red+Stripe+Radio

Book Review: "The Natural" by Bernard Malamud

2012-01-31T17:37:00.000-08:00

Generally regarded as perhaps the greatest baseball novel of all time, The Natural is not without its flaws.

First and foremost among those flaws is our protagonist, Roy Hobbs, and his unfortunate lack of likable traits. Roy is stubborn, shallow, and selfish; everyone and everything in his life seems to only serve the purpose of appeasing his voracious appetite.

For what does he hunger? For greatness, on the surface. To be the best at what he does. To fulfill his potential. To have it all. Certainly fine and noble goals for a fine and noble hero, but Roy Hobbs, as written, isn't that fine and noble hero. Maybe Robert Redford's sly grin brings about the best in Roy on the silver screen, but on the pages we only see him consistently act like a fool unworthy of our compassion.

I struggled at times to get behind the New York Knights' 34 year old rookie, the mysterious stranger who bursts onto the scene out of nowhere to become the league's best player.

The readers are privy to exposition unknown to anyone else but Roy and we are supposed to feel sorry for him as a victim of unfortunate circumstances, his career having been postponed by a tragic event detailed in the book's introductory chapter. But to truly join Roy's team, we need to see a little bit of good from him to counter the crummy things he does, the poor way he treats people, and the bitter loner attitude he portrays to the world. I often found myself frustrated with Roy when I felt I should feel sorry for him. We as readers want a hero who redeems himself, a man who overcomes his troubles to retain his humanity. Throughout the entire book (and even before the early incident that nearly derails Roy's career), we are forced to settle for an arrogant protagonist who never quite learns to ease off his cockiness.

Despite these character issues, Malamud's poetic language and magical realism redeems the book and paints a vivid backdrop for Roy's saga. Pitchers and batters huff and puff like steam engines while the Knights run the basepaths like Mississippi steamboats. The team's reclusive owner sits in the darkness, the ash at the end of his cigar the only thing lighting the room. These images come alive in the reader's mind, a testament to the author's ability.

Roy's legendary bat Wonderboy exists as an entity of its own, its magic clearly understood by the characters but never fully acknowledged. It's a tremendous conceit and goes well with a number of story elements seemingly beyond the realm of reality yet accepted by the story's universe as 'just there.'

There's a lot of great stuff about heroes, manhood, retribution and fulfilling one's destiny in The Natural, and it's a pleasant, vibrant read for most of its 215 pages. The one thing that keeps it from being truly great is Roy Hobbs, the hero we wish we could have liked just a little bit more.

--

I managed to snag the copy of this book for $1.50 at the Montgomery Country Friends of the Library Bookstore in Rockville, MD. I also came away with a copies of Candide, The Postman Always Rings Twice, and The Stranger. The entire purchase cost me $5. I'd recommend if you're out book hunting to peruse your local used bookstore before ordering off of Amazon or trudging into a dying supergiant like Barnes & Noble. You never know what you might just happen upon at a small bookstore and there's something special about getting your hands on something that's been shared throughout its shelf life.

Jimmy Stewart and Central Pennsylvania

2012-01-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

One of my plays, Bride and Groom in the Graveyard, was an official selection at the Kennedy Center American College Theatre Region II Festival in Indiana, PA this month. It got a full staged reading and respondent session. The whole experience was really beneficial in many ways and meeting a lot of new & exciting people was a lot of fun.

Also, Indiana, Pennsylvania is the hometown of Jimmy Stewart. There are crosswalks in town that feature his voice telling you how much more time you've got to cross the street.

Here's a video of that:

I recommend starting at about 0:25.

Get the feel for the town? Now imagine it snowing and 17 degrees.

2011 Book List

2012-01-16T20:55:00.000-08:00

Long time no post. In 2011 I read over 60 books. My reading/writing habits have waned in the past few months for reasons I'm altogether hazy on. I feel DC might be an inhibitor of these two things. I feel I may just be lazy. Regardless, here's my top 10 of books I enjoyed in 2011, followed by my entire list. I chose not to include plays or short story collections in this top 10.

10. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

One of those classics in the canon of essential reads, it's basic Hemingway.

9. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

I read all three of these books over winter break last year. Although the series dipped a bit in the 2nd and 3rd books, I was still hooked and devoured Hornet's Nest with excitement.

8. Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck

A fun little novel in the vein of Cannery Row, one of my favorite books.

7. Starman: The Truth Behind the Legend of Yuri Gagarin by Jamie Doran and Piers Bizony

A fascinating biography that tells the story of the first man in space and the Soviet space program that screwed over him and dozens of other cosmonauts.

6. The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs

A fascinating and funny memoir about a writer's attempt to read the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica cover to cover.

5. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

Perhaps the most famous novel by a writer out of Africa, it certainly deserves its spot in the canon of great 20th century literature.

4. Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut

Part memoir, part novel, pure Vonnegut.

3. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

I was surprised that I loved this book as much as I did considering its reputation. I felt such empathy for Esther and was hooked to the beautiful language throughout.

2. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

This was a re-read so it may not count, but Kesey's great novel is one of my top 5 favorite books of all time.

1. Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut

Vonnegut again, this time a historical spy novel dwelling on themes of guilt and culpability.

Honorable mentions include Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather, A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, and The Call of the Wild by Jack London.

The list:

One quick disclaimer, when you're doing as much reading education-wise as I've been doing, it's hard to quantify what constitutes a "book read." For example, I read a ton of Shakespeare plays out of an anthology. I read Othello out of a book. I included Othello but not the others. I only included books I read cover to cover.

The Boy of Summer by Roger Kahn
Death in the Afternoon by Ernest Hemingway
The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson
Play it as it Lays by Joan Didion
Ragged Dick by Horatio Alger Jr.
Mr. Wilson's Cabinet of Wonder by Lawrence Weschler
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
The Female Marine by "Lucy Brewer" (Nathaniel Hill Wright)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
Holy Land by D.J. Waldie
Matterhorn by Karl Marlantes
Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman
Shoeless Joe by W.P. Kinsella
The Hidden Hand by E.D.E.N. Southworth
The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac
Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck
The Call of the Wild by Jack London
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chboksy
All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
The Heroic Slave by Frederick Douglass
Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
The Land of Little Rain by Mary Austin
McTeague by Frank Norris
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
Take Ten II: More Ten Minute Plays, edited by Eric Lane and Nina Shengold
A More Perfect 10 by Gary Garrison
Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan
Take Ten, edited by Eric Lane and Nina Shengold
The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane
Starman: The Truth Behind the Legend of Yuri Gagarin by Jamie Doran and Piers Bizony
Our Sunshine by Robert Drewe
The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather
The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs
Otherwise Engaged and Other Plays by Simon Gray
Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut
Five Great Short Stories by Anton Chekhov
The Visitor by Maeve Brennan
The Prince by Niccoló Machiavelli
Angels in America Part One: Millennium Approaches by Tony Kushner
The American Dream and the Zoo Story by Edward Albee
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard
Playwriting: Brief & Brilliant by Julie Jensen
Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut
Angels in America Part Two: Perestroika by Tony Kushner
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Proof by David Auburn
Hedda Gabler by Henrick Ibsen
Iphigenia in Tauris by Euripides
The Shoemaker's Holiday by Thomas Dekker
Othello by William Shakespeare
The Art and Craft of Playwriting by Jeffrey Hatcher
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut
Secrets of Acting Shakespeare by Patrick Tucker
The Player's Passion by Joseph R. Roach
Good Brother, Bad Brother by James Cross Giblin
Naked Lunch by William Burroughs

MCCOURT IS GOING TO SELL THE TEAM

2011-11-01T22:18:00.001-07:00

OH GOD YES YES YES
MCCOURT TO SELL TEAM IN BANKRUPTCY COURT
OH GOD YES YES YES

Resuscitating Higher Education

2011-10-31T17:58:00.000-07:00

Here's my term paper for my Theory of Teaching Writing and Literature class from my second-to-last semester at LMU. It won me $100 at the University Writing Awards and an edited version got published in a school literary journal. This isn't my final, amazing, perfectly polished draft, and spacing/italicization may have been hurt by my copy/paste, but it should all still certainly be fairly readable. Enjoy.

Robert Montenegro
13 December 2010
Dr. Aimee Ross
English 565: Theory of Teaching Writing and Literature

Resuscitating Higher Education

“Universities are not intended to teach the knowledge required to fit men for some special mode of graining their livelihood… Their object is not to make skillful lawyers, or physicians, or engineers, but capable and cultivated human beings.”
-John Stuart Mill
(Murray 75)

“We Americans distrust smart people.”
-Terrance MacMullan
(MacMullan 58)

American society has outgrown stuck-up tweed coat intellectuals and needs a new breed of academic leaders to galvanize a Higher Learning community that has fallen into disrepair. The bar with which we as a society measure academic aptitude has been placed so low that students with no avid interest in learning are able to waltz out of college with a degree they would likely not have earned (or at least not have earned as easily). While some may laud the fact that college has become more accessible to the masses, the truth is that the establishments that should stand as safe havens for America’s intellectual curiosity have regressed to farcical levels. As they are now, American universities are more like four-year summer camps than institutes of Higher Learning. Charles Murray, author of the The Bell Curve and Real Education, puts it perfectly when he writes, “the educational system is living a lie” (Murray 11). In this essay I intend to further diagnose the national affliction caused by that lie, explain why it should be a huge priority to rescue higher education, and identify the types of people who will do just that.

The Diagnosis

There are three main reasons why the University has become a sad shell of its former self (please note - from this point forward I will use “University” to refer to the entire nationwide collegiate psyche and “university” as the literal definition synonymous to “college”). The first reason for this degradation is the estrangement of intellectualism from public society, a movement succinctly illustrated in Terrance MacMullan’s words at the beginning of this essay. MacMullan, Assistant Professor of Philosophy and Honors at Eastern Washington University, explains that we “Americans don’t like smart people because we suspect they might trick us like we trick our dogs” (MacMullan 58). Intelligence and honesty have somehow managed to become mutually exclusive in the eyes of the American public. MacMullan cites the “radicalization of American universities in the 1960s,” which he says “led many intellectuals to write off non-intellectuals as dupes, and many non-intellectuals to dismiss academia as a hotbed of leftist propaganda” (61). This led to the public’s distrust of academia and academia’s refusal to address the public; the two stubborn sectors choosing to have nothing to do with each other. Fast-forward forty years and you can see how we got to where we are today, a place when the common man is revered over the learned man, and where the intellectuals seclude themselves from society in order to feed their own narcissism. Furthermore, because the extremes are so adamantly opposed to mixing, we end up with a lack of effective intelligent dialogue between the two. Society loathes the conceited nature of the intellectuals. Intellectuals fear that the “dupes” down below might put up a fight or prove them wrong. It is only logical to assume that this divorce negatively affects Higher Education, the supposed middleman of society and academia.

The second source of this scourge is the good intentioned but ill-conceived ideology that everyone should go to college. This is the lie by which Murray says our educational system lives (and dies). “The lie is that every child can be anything he or she wants to be” (Murray 11), or rather, anything that their parents wish they could be. College therefore ends up as the summit of the developmental Mt. Everest and becomes the number one priority in the lives of many American children and teens. This would not be a problem if many of the myths about the benefits of college weren’t so completely untrue.

There’s the myth that everyone should experience college because as a whole it resembles “real life” and serves as a good transition space for young people to adapt to the “real world.” Murray points out that the University where students spend much of their time developing robust work habits, routinely engaging the professors as they would employers, and answering the calls of demanding intellectual pursuits does not exist anywhere in the United States. In fact, he says, the American college system does more to “prolong adolescence” than to foster maturity (101). I find it hard to disagree with him, especially after seven semesters at Loyola Marymount University, a school that attracts applicants for its beautiful campus and even more beautiful female population, as opposed to the promise of an enriching educational experience. The idea that a university student as scholar has been replaced with the image of the college slacker who thirsts for “facile knowledge, served up in easily digestible, bite-sized chunks” (101). Higher Education’s willingness to appease this want is both frighteningly real and completely devastating to the integrity of the University.
Then there’s the myth that you cannot be successful without a college degree. Because this fable has society by the throat, we are at the point where we send far too many people to college. Many of the superfluous extras resemble Murray’s example of the fifteen-year-old “who cannot make sense of algebra but has an almost mystical knack with machines, [but] is told to stick with the college prep track” (12). Since a college degree is supposedly the only way to adequately measure success in our society, our fifteen-year-old is dissuaded from pursuing a trade school in favor of a liberal arts education he doesn’t really want nor need. He is likely steered that way by a parent or high school counselor who has bought into the lie and, while meaning no harm, ultimately hurts the student’s chances at success. By forcing them into a situation where they would not succeed (that is, would not succeed if not for curriculum becoming laughably easy and grade inflation painting mediocre students to look like Stephen Hawking), the student’s talents, interests, and perhaps optimal opportunity to help society (not to mention himself) go down the drain. What could have been a budding mechanic is now another statistic of overindulgence in Higher Education.

The third big reason why the University system is broken is society’s illogical love affair with making the grade. Grades in and of themselves are highly overrated and have a negative influence on what is perceived as the goal of education. That goal has ceased to be the pursuit of knowledge for personal enrichment, giving way to the value of simply getting the best grade possible. In an ideal world, these two would go hand in hand. As we’ve already extensively explored, that ideal world doesn’t exist.

Instead we have plights like that of 2010 Coxsackie-Athens High School Valedictorian Erica Goldson who, in her graduation speech, discussed how our ridiculous fascination with grades has helped to poison American education. “I excelled at every subject just for the purpose of excelling, not learning,” Goldson said in cap and gown, the owner of the highest grade point average in the graduating class. When she discovered that her success was emblematic of a system that trounces merit and effort in favor of a phony figure, Goldson was overcome with an emotion not many valedictorians feel when looking toward the future - “Quite frankly, now I'm scared.” Goldson was hit by the reality that an educational system that emphasizes SAT scores, grade point averages, and percentage points as much as ours only devastates individual creativity, breeding drones who focus more on the black-and-white destination than the Technicolor voyage.

Additionally, America’s marriage to grades has allowed those many who are intellectually lacking but particularly adroit at playing the system to succeed while those who are plagued by the vice-versa are left behind. Quite frankly, any moron can manage an A on a test with a good study guide and their roommate’s prescription Adderall. Any system where an earnest student gets a B+ simply because he is not a good memorizer, but the world’s best crammer can score an A on a test he won’t remember a week later, is seriously flawed. Out of this comes a mentality among students that the ability to regurgitate information is much more important than the information itself, resulting in students who base their educational approach on the most efficient way to get an A. Lost are the joy of learning, the critical reflection, and the perceived importance of class material.

These three elements – the loss of society’s faith in intellectualism, the influx of unnecessary students cluttering the University, and the emphasis of “success” over substance – are the three largest culprits in the tarnishing of the University. Unfortunately, identifying the problem in education is only half the battle. We have to fully understand why the diagnosis is so bad before we can explore possible cures. We must fully realize the peril we potentially face if we allow this terrible disease to spread further.

Analyzing the Threat

The two main consequences we face if we do not subdue the infection are the risk of the college degree losing its value and the wounding of America’s academically gifted students.

This semester, one of my classes held a discussion about our personal reasons for attending college. A considerable number of the students made it very clear that they enrolled primarily to ensure a better shot at landing a good job after graduation. Some even expressed surprise when introduced to the notion that there would be any other reason to attend the university. While there is nothing wrong with hoping to utilize one’s degree to reach professional success, there is something unnerving about apathetically gliding through college for a piece of paper that supposedly leads to buried treasure. “Young people think they are going to make a substantial income just by having a college degree” (Billitteri), says Penn State professor emeritus Edwin L. Herr, acknowledging the belief that the University is the gatekeeper for social ascension. But Syracuse finance professor Boyce Watkins unveils an unfortunate truth. Like many treasure maps, that expensive college degree has the potential to lead you nowhere:

“When you have students who are going to college for economic advancement and they choose majors that don't fit that particular objective and then take a lot of debt on in the process, then … you have to ask them, well, did you plan it all the way through when you ended up with an outcome that you didn't quite expect?” (Billitteri)

Watkins refers to the fact that, while on average people with degrees earn more than those without, not all degrees are created equal. A student pursuing Law or Medicine is much more likely to find success than the one who played eenie-meenie-miney-moe and landed on Communications. What you end up with is a huge demographic of people overcrowding the University who wouldn’t even be in college if they were not under the impression that it automatically leads to financial success. The University and society itself would save these folks quite a bit of money if the myths that college leads to fortune were to be dispelled.

Related to this is the fundamental flaw in the “everybody should go to college” ideology – Economics. Basic supply and demand applies to college degrees just as it does to pretty much any commodity. If more of something exists, the less valuable it becomes. This is especially true with degrees in an economy such as our current one, where growth has all but ceased. What you inevitably end up with are more “qualified” workers than positions available. Once you have a surplus, value plummets. What happens when a desperate student cannot find a job out of college? Many will take out more student loans and enroll in graduate school, assuming a Master’s degree will guarantee for them what a Bachelor’s failed to produce.

If we continue on this path where we allow college to be a cakewalk, it won’t be long until Master’s degrees go the way of Bachelor’s. You already see this happening with many Law School graduates who lug their degree and massive debt straight into the unemployment line (Koppel). Such is the case of 25-year-old Fabian Ronisky, who after being turned down by over 50 law firms had to face moving back in with his parents, $150,000 of debt in tow.

This unfortunate situation is as much a result of the ridiculously poor conditions of the economy as it is a side effect of our diseased education system. At the same time, I seriously doubt many of the 40,000 yearly Law School graduates are worth their weight in case documents. When Higher Education allows ill-equipped students to succeed, there is a huge risk that it is only setting them up for failure. Therein develops a question of Ethics – is it better to allow this to continue happening and see alumni chewed up and spit out by a field they should not have been entering in the first place, or should universities adopt some tough love and weed out the weak ones before they amass more debt than a small nation? The answer is the latter. There is a strong moral argument for cleaning up Higher Education.

Perhaps even worse is that as the University dumbs itself down to cater to the apathetic or unskilled, truly gifted students are presented with an educational experience that fails to adequately challenge them. This fundamental flaw exists everywhere from Communism to No Child Left Behind – you never improve the plight of the lowest demographic as much as you decimate the others. Murray argues that, because natural abilities intrinsically vary from student to student, there exists a small echelon of truly gifted individuals who are most likely to positively affect society (Murray 108-109). It makes sense then that our efforts in the University should be to provide this elite group with the best possible education to train them to be able to achieve their potential.

“By definition,” writes Murray, “the top 10 percent in academic ability included about 410,000 eighteen-year-olds in 2005, when about 1.5 million students enrolled as freshmen in four-year colleges” (111). While one might immediately suppose that most of those students fit in at the nation’s most prestigious schools, Murray says the top twenty national universities and liberal arts colleges brought in only 48,000 freshman, “and not all of them in the 10 percent” (111). This means that 90% of America’s most gifted students are spread out among the nation’s many other schools. While Murray focuses more on how he would overhaul the liberal arts education to better impart upon these elite the necessary wisdoms to lead the country (113), I am tentatively more worried about the effect of an apathetic atmosphere on one of these gifted minds.

As we’ve discussed earlier, the typical 18-year-old freshman could be the smartest person in the world and yet still be incredibly immature. There have to be negative effects when, instead of a University that truly cherishes academic endeavor and intellectual stimulation, he or she is dumped into an ecosystem driven by scholarly indifference, selfish objectives, and the unconscious endorsement of half-assed effort. Instead of honing skills that will augment their abilities, college actually hurts those who get swallowed up. This is a direct result of making college accessible to those who don’t need to be there. This is not a situation I expect applies to the majority of gifted students, but any university that does not act to eradicate the risk is performing a disservice for the gifted while, presumably yet erroneously, providing a service to those who are not.

The Cure

As we have explored, if we allow the infection in Higher Education to fester, we run the risk of devaluing the work of college graduates and sabotaging the mental development of those who are truly gifted. The current mentality leads us down a road that potentially brings us to the complete collapse of the University as a respectable establishment. The current output of graduates, many whom only achieve success by taking an easy road, is unsustainable and poses a societal risk. Ethically, pragmatically, and in the best interest of the United States, we need to revamp Higher Education at risk of watching the entire system implode around us.

With such a daunting task in front of us, it may seem that a strategy toward rehabilitation of the University addicted to mediocrity would be huge and complicated and nearly impossible to enact. The veritable truth is actually quite the contrary. There are two huge things that need to happen in order for us to turn this ship around before we star dancing with icebergs. First, we need to raise the standards by which we measure our University students, challenging them to prove themselves worthy of the privilege of Higher Education. Second, we need those haughty hermits, the intellectuals, to lay their egos at the side of the road and become the type of Public Intellectuals that Terrance MacMullan feels hold the key to revitalizing the nation.

First, quite simply, we need the University (and remember, by this I mean the entire nation of Higher Learning) to make a united conscientious decision to revert the itself back to a place of honor. We cannot continue to allow our willingness to admit and pamper mediocre students to continue and bring down the entire system, hurting those who truly deserve to reach the heights offered only at a University devoted to education of the gifted. We must not be afraid to incorporate tough love and turn away those who do not meet the expectation of excellence. This does not mean that we need to transform the University into a sort of dystopian institution where we build a small elite class to rule the country. All will be welcome to attend; our most basic want is for the students to simply try harder. We cannot allow the current academic tone of apathy to continue.

If we manage to raise the bar of what we deem academically excellent, universities will find that many of those students who previously showed educational apathy will pick up their game in order to stay afloat. This is to be desired, as is the departure of those who choose not to abide by our new stricter standards. Even though our main focus will be to nurture those with true smarts, we will not let our meritocracy disappear for those who rigorously labor to improve themselves. The University needs to be about hard work, and a strong work ethic needs to be restored to an America that has never been lazier. Not only will a tougher University challenge those who deserve to be there, it will build character through the struggle with adversity.

The facilitators of this more honorable University will be the intellectuals who must descend from their Ivory Towers and become like MacMullan’s ideal Public Intellectual, who, interestingly enough, resembles Jon Stewart (not Mill). The quirky host of The Daily Show, behind the goofiness, bears “an unalloyed faith in the power of the American political project to improve people’s lives” (MacMullan 66). Likewise, our ideal Public Intellectual educator would live by the distinctly American philosophy of pragmatism, an ideology that “urges philosophers to be less academic and more publicly engaged” (60). While it may seem paradoxical for us to ask our intellectuals to be less academic while our University speeds in the other direction, the context varies. As our new University system will certainly favor the gifted over those who are not, we must make sure that our Public Intellectuals manage to be as relatable for the masses as Jon Stewart, whose “voice encourages debate and fosters democracy [while still being] cherished by many philosophers who think that philosophy should matter to all people” (60).

MacMullan describes the Public Intellectuals or the past – Ralph Waldo Emerson, William James, Jane Addams, and W.E.B. Du Bois, for example – and how their essential talent, one that has been lost by contemporary scholars who worship convoluted Derrida language, was how they could connect with diverse audiences while still preserving the magnitude of their message. These were thinkers who strived to be relevant to their public because of an inherent obligation to serve society. Like our favorite fake news show host, our new Public Intellectuals must similarly strive to employ their smarts for the greater good instead of locking themselves away in a cloister of brains (or, God forbid, delving into the ooze of Glenn Beck punditry).

What this will invariably do, as Stewart and his brilliant stooge Stephen Colbert have already begun to set off, is a societal return to respecting intellect. Basically, if we can manage to invoke the power and mission of our Public Intellectuals of old, we can make being smart cool again. This will lead to an increase in knowledge, wisdom, and ability as societal values, which will eventually lead to a more efficient and intelligent public, even without a million Bachelor’s degrees floating around.

There are inherent risks in this plan, not the least of which being the vital decision of our intellectuals to turn away from the dark side and focus on being thinkers for society instead of simply for themselves and their own conceited communities. Still, I believe the enacting of this process will only improve America, as the road we are currently traveling brings upon us an unsustainable structure of academic chaos that must be avoided at all costs. It is clear that our current system of Higher Education is afflicted with a bitter infection that must be cured for the sake of protecting our gifted youngsters, maintaining the integrity of the University, and increasing the efficiency of our academic structure. The long-term effects of simply raising the bar when it comes to University students could bring the United States into a new golden age of intellectual curiosity and academic enterprise. We as Americans owe it to ourselves to perform surgery on Higher Education and remove the causes of all our aches and pains, insuring that an America built on intelligent discourse and social awareness remains in good health for years to come.

Works Cited

Billitteri, Thomas J. "The Value of a College Education." CQ Researcher 20 Nov. 2009: 981-1004. Web. 15 Dec. 2010.
Goldson, Erica. "Here I Stand." Speech. Coxsackie-Athens High School Graduation Spring 2010. Coxsackie-Athens High School, Coxsackie, NY. 25 June 2010. America Via Erica. Blogger, 7 July 2010. Web. 10 Dec. 2010. . [YouTube] -
Koppel, Nathan. "Wall Street Journal." The Wall Street Journal. 5 May 2010. Web. 12 Dec. 2010. .
MacMullan, Terrance. "Jon Stewart and the New Public Intellectual." The Daily Show and Philosophy: Moments of Zen in the Art of Fake News. Ed. Jason Holt. Oxford: Blackwell, 2007. 57-68. Print.
Murray, Charles A. Real Education: Four Simple Truths for Bringing America's Schools Back to Reality. New York: Crown Forum, 2008. Print.

Back from the Dead

2011-09-29T13:03:00.001-07:00

The 2011 season is over (and boy was it an amazing ending)... I'd say it's about time for a new post.

I've been largely absent because I moved to Washington and started graduate school. To be honest I should probably be doing my reading right now, but I find posting is an apt substitute for the moment.

As for Wild Card Wednesday yesterday, I feel this is really all I need to post to express how much I enjoyed last night:

Bwahahhaha.

As for my picks for the big awards, here are my ballots:

NL MVP

1. Matt Kemp, Dodgers
Unlike boneheads who actually get paid for their opinion, I consider "most valuable" to be synonymous with "best player." Think of it this way... MVP should go to the guy who, based on his performance in 2011, would be your first pick if you were drafting all the players in the league. Kemp barely missed on a 40/40 season and the Triple Crown, put up huge numbers across the board, and he played a serviceable CF. Bar none, Kemp was the best player in the National League in 2011 and deserves this award. Although I don't necessarily agree that pitchers should be excluded from MVP discussion, all my picks are hitters just for the sake of this exercise.

2. Ryan Braun, Brewers
3. Joey Votto, Reds
4. Troy Tulowitzki, Rockies
5. Justin Upton, D'Backs
6. Andrew McCutchen, Pirates
7. Pablo Sandoval, Giants
8. Jose Reyes, Mets
9. Prince Fielder, Brewers
10. Albert Pujols, Cardinals

AL MVP

1. Jose Bautista, Blue Jays
Just like with Kemp in the NL, Bautista was the best player in the AL, though Ellsbury was a very close second. What puts Bautista over the top for me is a fantastic OBP just under .450 (with a BABIP of only .309!) and his versatility moving from 3b to RF to fit his team's needs. Bautista proved his amazing 2010 was no fluke and was the best player in the AL in 2011.

2. Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox
3. Miguel Cabrera, Tigers
4. Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox
5. Evan Longoria, Rays
6. Adrian Gonzalez, Red Sox
7. Curtis Granderson, Yankees
8. Alex Gordon, Royals
9. Alex Avila, Tigers
10. Ian Kinsler, Rangers

NL Cy Young

1. Roy Halladay, Phillies
Yeah, this one was tough. I came in here thinking I was going to write about how Kershaw was the best choice. I actually did start writing that until I decided I couldn't honestly put my word by it. Kershaw was certainly the most dominant pitcher in the league, leading in strikeouts, WHIP, and ERA, but Halladay was simply the better pitcher. Kershaw benefited from pitching in good pitchers parks against the likes of the Giants and Padres. Halladay pitched half his games in Citizen's Bank Park. Doc Halladay gave up 5 fewer home runs, walked a ton fewer than Kershaw, and got one less start than the Dodger southpaw. As much as the Dodger fan in me wants to pick Kershaw here (and I actually think he WILL win the award), Halladay led in WAR, ERA+, and FIP, all with a much higher BABP, and it's my belief that he was 2011's best NL pitcher.

2. Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers
3. Cliff Lee, Phillies
4. Ian Kennedy, D'Backs
5. Madison Bumgarner, Giants
6. Cole Hamels, Phillies
7. Tim Lincecum, Giants
8. Zack Greinke, Brewers
9. Matt Cain, Giants
10. Hiroki Kuroda, Dodgers

AL Cy Youg

1. Justin Verlander, Tigers
Although it's a lot closer than most would like to admit, 2011 was the year of Verlander. He led the league in almost all major pitching stats (though he did have the benefit of a very fortunate BABIP) and threw a no-hitter.

2. C.C. Sabathia, Yankees
3. Jered Weaver, Angels
4. Dan Haren, Angels
5. C.J. Wilson, Rangers
6. James Shields, Rays
7. Ricky Romero, Blue Jays
8. Josh Beckett, Red Sox
9. Felix Hernandez, Mariners
10. Justin Masterson, Indians

NL Rookie of the Year

1. Craig Kimbrel, Braves
As much as I hate giving a major award to a guy coming out of the bullpen, it's hard to argue any rookie was better than Kimbrel.

2. Freddie Freeman, Braves
3. Wilson Ramos, Nationals

AL Rookie of the Year

1. Dustin Ackley, Mariners
An all-around solid year for the former #2 pick, he played a good second base and looks poised to make the leap toward stardom in 2012.

2. Brett Lawrie, Blue Jays
3. Alexi Ogando, Rangers

Managers of the Year

Kirk Gibson, D'Backs and Joe Maddon, Rays
Since this award usually goes to the team that did better than we supposed they'd do (why the honor goes to the guy who fills out the lineup card, I don't know), these are the easiest awards to give out. Gibson's D'backs really turned things around and took advantage of lackadaisical performances by the other four teams in the division. Maddon's Rays pulled off the greatest September upset in the history of game. As for the runners-up, I think Yost deserves praise for how well the Royals' young players have progressed under his watch. The same can be said for Don Mattingly, as Kemp and Kershaw may not have taken their big steps if they had been still playing for Joe Torre.

2. Ron Roenicke, Brewers and Ned Yost, Royals
3. Don Mattingly, Dodgers and Manny Acta, Indians

As for how the playoffs will go, my predictions follow as so:

Tigers over the Yankees in 5
Rays over the Rangers in 4

Rays over the Tigers in 6

Phillies over the Cardinals in 3
Brewers over the D'Backs in 5

Brewers over the Phillies in 7

Brewers over Rays in 6

That's right. I'm taking the all-in Brewers to go all the way.

As for the Dodgers' offseason plans, my three bold predictions are:
1. Andre Ethier will be traded to Boston
2. Hiroki Kuroda will retire
3. Colletti will not sign Fielder or Pujols

Happy Playoffs!

Who Cares?

2011-07-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

The Dodgers have won their last three games by shutouts, including today's doozy where they didn't have a hit until their potential 27th out (Juan Uribe) doubled to left. Naturally, Dioner Navarro, perhaps the only guy on the team worse than Uribe, singled him in and the Dodgers went from being no-hit to being winners in a matter of minutes.

But the big story today was the boycott and demonstration outside the stadium. While the amount of people waving signs on Elysian Park wasn't nearly as high as the planners had hoped, the camera shots of the stands during the FOX telecast were staggering enough. There were no more than 9,000 people in attendance. It looked like a Marlins home game.

I still watch the team (though I don't know why), but this whole process of Frankruptcy is just so taxing that I won't belabor the whole "Frank sucks" thing any more than I need.

I'm moving to DC on Aug 4, kicking off a cross-country road trip that will settle me into a new life in a new city. I won't stop being a Dodgers fan but I will be looking forward to visiting Nationals Park every once in a while to watch a team that has what my beloved Dodgers seem to be completely devoid of...

...a future.

Suck it, Frank

2011-06-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

@dylanohernandez: Bud Selig has rejected the #Dodgers' proposed TV deal with Fox.

Sure, things are only going to get uglier... but we're just one step closer to no more McCourt. June 30, here we come.

Matt Kemp Pleads Fans to Return to Chavez Ravine

2011-06-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

I know the whole McCourt backlash from the fans affects the players because there's less energy in the stadium, but I think it's only right for us to follow the advice of Dave Stewart, Kemp's agent...

VinScullyisMyHomeboy: Hey Dave, when is Matt Kemp signing that big contract?

Stewart: Soon as you get real owners.

Matt Kemp: Hey Dodger fans, when will you come back to the stadium?

Dodger Fans: Soon as you get real owners.

Plus, watching on TV has been nice lately. I still have no hope for the playoffs this season, but Kemp has been a monster at the plate.

Why we're not going to get better

2011-05-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

I was the first person to comment on Joe Block's new blog on MLBlogs. He basically argued that if the Dodgers lineups could match the production of teams like Pittsburgh and Houston the rest of the way, we could potentially compete in this division. His main point was that the Dodgers lineup is better than those teams. I commented and said something to the effect of "fat chance." He asked me to elaborate, so I did:

It all comes down to depth, and this is an organization that has failed to maintain a farm system that had always supplied the big team with a steady stream of good young ballplayers. Since the graduation of the team's current core to the bigs in 2006-07 (a group you were very familiar with in Jacksonville [Block was a commentator for the then AA-affiliate Jacksonville Suns while guys like Chad Bilingsley, Andy LaRoche, and James Loney were there), there hasn't been a single impact player to come out of the farm system. Now, while most of the players that we've brought up haven't met expectations or weren't all that great to begin with (Andrew Lambo, James McDonald, Blake DeWitt for instance), our general manager has failed to take advantage of their value (as young ballplayers with potential upside always have good value). Throwing away prospects for guys like Octavio Dotel and Scott Podsednik has killed us because we've thrown away our limited resources on scrubs rather than pooling them together and waiting for the big fish to become available.

Also, not offering salary arbitration to two guys we knew were not coming back (Randy Wolf and Orlando Hudson) after the '09 season kept us from collecting two additional draft picks last year. This has been a facet of the club that has been grossly mismanaged.

When you don't have a strong farm system to lean on, you end up with a team forced to form their roster with guys like:

Aaron Miles (career .319 OBP)
Jay Gibbons (career .314 OBP)
Dioner Navarro (career .309 OBP)
Tony Gwynn Jr (career .316 OBP)
Juan Castro (career .268 OBP)

This is your depth, with the exception of the great Jamey Carroll and the budding Jerry Sands, who needs to be playing every day.

Our regulars:

James Loney (atrocious, has hit worse with each year, not going to suddenly start producing, .284 OBP this season)

Casey Blake (37 yrs old, breaking down as he gets older, has produced in limited playing time this year, but you're always one muscle pull away from full playing time for Aaron Miles, also likely to regress this year as he's one year older than he was when he put up .248/.320/.407 line).

Juan Uribe (what a waste, .300 OBP, we're better off with him on the bench or DL, Carroll is also outslugging him this year .351 to .333)

Rod Barajas (career .283 OBP, so he's simply matching his career numbers with his senseless hacking at the plate this season)

Rafael Furcal (similar to Blake, brittle but can produce when healthy, which is something you just can't count on)

Andre Ethier and Matt Kemp are the only reasons this team isn't competing with San Diego for last place. We don't have a LF but we should be playing Sands every day because it's only a matter of time until his hard hit balls fall in as his .270 BABIP this year is unsustainably low. His walk rate (something this team is missing badly) helps the entire club, and it looks like he's about at that point where the adjustments he's making against the league are working in his favor. A Sands/Kemp/Ethier outfield should be in the lineup card every day.

So, where we stand now, this team is actually batting in line with what was expected of them this year. Most of the players are either in line with their career numbers (Navarro, Barajas, Uribe, Gwynn, Miles, Ethier, Carroll, etc.), on the up as was predicted (Kemp), or on the down as was predicted (Loney).

This team's woes with the bases loaded and runners in scoring position are not that much worse than we should have expected, what with this team's glaring lack of OBP. They make way too many outs. You can't score if most of the guys on the team have a 70% chance of allowing the other team to get one step closer to getting out of the jam.

This team was only going to go as far as its depth allowed it. So far, I've been impressed with three of the team's reserves... Sands, Carroll, and AJ Ellis, who is at the very least the 2nd best catcher in the organization but is wasting away in ABQ while Navarro makes outs up in the bigs.

Whenever I listen to DodgerTalk, you (Joe) and Josh Suchon always ask callers who demand that the Dodgers spend more or make trades for marquee players "who would you get?" Most of the time they have no answer because, quite frankly, there is no answer. But the woes of this team don't necessarily come from not getting that perfect Free Agent or making that smart trade. The Dodgers' woes stem from spending the least amount of money in the draft in recent years (up until the shocking signing of Zach Lee), failing to produce major leaguers through the farm system, and spending less money on scouting and player development. Low income teams like the Rays have competed because of the strength of their farm systems. The thing that has allowed high payroll teams like the Yanks, BoSox, and Phils to keep competing while other high payroll teams like the Cubs, Mets, and Mariners have floundered is, (surprise!) the strength of their farm systems, allowing them to plug up holes and injuries with good ballplayers, while also dealing youngsters (while utilizing their value as youngsters) to fill needs on the major league level.

So there, those are my facts with a sprinkle of opinion. This team has been mismanaged in multiple ways in the past few years, but the holes in the farm system have forced us to latch on to players who have a proven track record of not being very good.

And you can't win if you don't have good players.

2011 Dodgers with bases loaded

2011-05-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

The Curse of the Piazza, 13 years later

2011-05-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it's May 15 again...

The ides of May is to Dodgers fans what the ides of March was to Julius Caesar. Both involve being stabbed in the back by those you once trusted. But while ol' Jules was benevolently granted death upon his betrayal, we Dodgers fans have had to put up with thirteen years of miserable life, post-Piazza.

Thirteen years ago today, the Curse of the Piazza began.

While it's true the Dodgers hadn't even sniffed the World Series for the ten years leading up to FOX's ill-advised trade of the greatest hitting catcher who ever lived, the thirteen years since have only brought forth exponentially more agnoy. I am convinced that all the awful things that have happened to us in the past baker's dozen years-- the McCourt ownership, Andruw Jones, and the disappearance of Cool-A-Coos -- can be attributed to the fact that we traded away Mike Piazza for Gary Sheffield and a bunch of bums.

Mike Piazza was Herculean to me. I was 9 when I came home from school on May 15, 1998 to hear that my hero had been dealt to the Florida Marlins. That moment, where the tears began to materialize in my eyes and my raspy, high-pitched voice begged for it all to be some sort of elaborate hoax or lie or practical joke (there was no such thing as being Punk'd back then but, dear God, I wished I was being Punk'd)... that was the point where I became a cynical, miserable Dodgers fan.

Ever since then I've put up with clowns like Carlos Perez, whiners like Odalis Perez, and the certifiably insane Milton Bradley.

I've put up with overpaid underperformers such as Darren Dreifort, Jason Schmidt, and Kevin Brown (who got the big contract we should have given to Piazza).

I've put up with seeing guys like Ricky Ledee, Jason Phillips, and Aaron Miles get legitimate starting time.

And I've put up with the continuing growing pains of Matt Kemp, James Loney, Clayton Kershaw, and Jonathan Broxton.

And through all that I've seen the Dodgers (mostly Broxton) choke twice in the NLCS against Philadelphia, only to then collapse under the weight of the McCourts' misersly stewardship and settle into a status quo of mediocrity.

Though it may not have any semblance of logic behind it, I will continue to stick behind my theory that if the Dodgers had only made a long-term commitment to the greatest hitting catcher of all time, a guy who had the potential to leave guys like Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale, and Steve Garvey in the dust as he claimed the title of the Greatest LA Dodger ever, things would be much, much, much better and we wouldn't have a starting infield of Loney, Miles, Carroll, Castro.

But alas, Juan Castro is in today's lineup and Mike Piazza is on his way to being enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame as a New York Met.

I fancy cities with acronyms...

2011-05-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I know when the first day of the rest of my life will be. It'll come in mid-August when my dad and I drive cross-country from L.A. to D.C., where I've been accepted to a 3-yr Playwriting MFA program and fellowship at Catholic University of America. It's full tuition, which makes my folks happy, and looks to be a great opportunity for me to work on my craft plus get involved in a thriving community of artists, which makes me happy.

It's a nice relief to have the stress of uncertainty off my back. And I think it'll be a unique and fun adventure for me. I'll get to explore the east coast in my down time, experience a presidential election in the nation's capitol, and have enough time to actually see everything at the Smithsonian (I'm guessing about 4 months). I'll also get to see some baseball in the east. When asked by my uncle whether I'd become a Nats or Orioles fan, I answered "Dodgers fan, stupid question."

Speaking of the boys in blue, they weren't content with being as bad as they were so they decided to get worse and brought up Juan Castro (one of the worst players in baseball in his fifth stint as a Dodger), optioning the never-played Ivan De Jesus Jr. to the minors. An infield of James Loney, Aaron Miles, Juan Castro, and Russ Mitchell would quite possibly be the single worst foursome since Ginger left the Spice Girls.

The team split their last roadtrip against the Mets and Pirates, teams a contender should beat. The Dodgers aren't contenders though, so they didn't beat them. Meanwhile, there is still word in the air that Frank McCourt won't be able to make his payroll at the end of the month. June 1 will be a fascinating day for Dodgers fans. The end of McCourt's reign of terror may be nigh.

We can only hope the next owner can give us better than Juan Castro.

--update-- If DodgerTalk host Joe Block is to be believed, Castro hurt himself before word of the call-up reached him in ABQ. We'll see how this plays out... You never want to root for an injury, but perhaps the baseball gods are trying to say something here.

If I may be so frank, he's a moron

2011-05-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Frank McCourt will be on AM 710 today at 3pm (about 45 minutes from now), taking calls on the Mason and Ireland show. Lock and load, Los Angeles.

Summer Reading List

2011-04-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

Here's my list of things I've read this year. Included are two titles I split between 2010 and 2011.

2010-2011
The Boy of Summer by Roger Kahn
Death in the Afternoon by Ernest Hemingway

2011
The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson
Play it as it Lies by Joan Didion
Ragged Dick by Horatio Alger Jr.
Mr. Wilson's Cabinet of Wonder by Lawrence Weschler
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
The Female Marine by "Lucy Brewer" (Nathaniel Hill Wright)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
Holy Land by D.J. Waldie
Matterhorn by Karl Marlantes
Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman
Shoeless Joe by W.P. Kinsella
The Hidden Hand by E.D.E.N. Southworth
The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac
Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck
The Call of the Wild by Jack London
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chboksy
All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
The Heroic Slave by Frederick Douglass
Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
The Land of Little Rain by Mary Austin
McTeague by Frank Norris
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

My goal at the beginning of the year was to read 30 books. I've upped that to 56, a book a week.

Here's what I plan on reading this summer (and beyond). I include books I've already started:

The Natural by Bernard Malamud
Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett
Under the Volcano by Malcolm Lowry
Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane
The Iowa Baseball Confederacy by W.P. Kinsella
A Scientific Romance by Ronald Wright
The Oxygen Man by Steve Yarbrough
The Good Brother by Chris Offutt
Ned Kelly by Robert Drewe
Winter Journey by Isabel Colegate
The Visitor by Maeve Brennan
Germania by Brendan McNally
Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky (re-read)
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller (re-read)
The Sun of Rises by Ernest Hemingway
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Candide by Voltaire
Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather
The Armies of the Night by Norman Mailer
The Secret Life of Cyndy Garvey by Cynthia Garvey

Busy, Busy, Busy

2011-04-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. I graduate college in 9 days and prepping for that has taken up most of my time. I've managed to catch enough Dodgers to hold me over. I can't tell you how excited I am now that Frank is out making a fool of himself and digging himself deeper into his own grave.

The two Kemp walk-offs last week were a lot of fun too. I was at the Sunday game where Bills pitched a gem only to have Broxton blow it and then Andre and the Bison bail him out.

Up until the series against the Cubs, the Dodgers had only played teams that had won 85 or more games in 2010. Considering the fact that no one expected this team to be anything special, the sparks we've seen against a very tough slew of opponents have been a pleasant surprise. If they can continue to compete against the Giants and Rockies, we may very well have ourselves a pennant race. The Dodgers haven't even played the D'Backs, the NL West punching bag. I'm a cynic and I like some of our chances.

Jerry Sands has had some tough breaks but his power and plate discipline will hopefully keep him on the club long enough for everything else to even out. I'm hoping he'll be playing first base against lefties while Lame James Loney collects splinters. Hopefully Uribe's groin is nice and rested (and he hasn't gained 50 pounds since the last time he played) and he can make an appearance this series.

The loss of Casey Blake is tough, especially since he was hot when he went down. This is an opportunity for Russ Mitchell to show what he can do. Let's hope its better than his September 2010 debutant ball. Any sort of kick would be nice. The offense came alive at Wrigley this week but I'm still not convinced that anyone not named Andre or Matt is dependable. Those two are on fire and even though Kemp has slowed down, they're the entire reason we're not in the National League cellar.

Finally, I'm impressed with Mattingly. A few weeks ago when Kershaw was on the cusp of shutting down the Braves for a complete game, he went out and could have brought in Broxton. Instead, he stuck with the kid and, even though the gamble didn't work out, it was the right move and showed Donnie Baseball has manager balls. I was sold there.

Just a quick note

2011-04-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

I've spent hours celebrating today's news.

April 20, often associated with some shifty things throughout history, shall now be known primarily (to me, at least) as Dodger Fan Independence Day.

Hooray!

Showtime for Sands

2011-04-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Big surprise that the Dodgers called up Jerry Sands today. He'll be batting 7th and playing left field.

He's already the third or fourth best hitter in our lineup.

Sands will wear #47 and hit 7 homers tonight.

Our Offense is Offensive

2011-04-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

I don't quite know how but the Dodgers have a winning record heading into San Francisco tonight for the first of three games against the defending chumps.

A few players are hitting the cover off the ball:

Matt Kemp: .438/.514/.656
Andre Ethier:.353/.436/.441
Tony Gwynn Jr. (!): .350/.381/.450
Jamey Carroll: .348/.423/.478

Xavier Paul and Casey Blake are also hitting above .350, albeit in very small sample sizes. But after that comes a HUGE drop off:

Juan Uribe: .111/.172/.148
Aaron Miles: .143/.200/.143
James Loney: .143/.184/.257
Rod Barajas: .222/.250/.333

That's pitiful.

Uribe, our big free agent signing, is the worst hitting position player on the team. Miles doesn't even belong on this team. Barajas' stats are ugly but are actually not very far from his career norms (scary). Not mentioned are Marcus Thames (.182) and Rafael Furcal (.208), also starting slow this season.

And Loney... well, don't get me started on Loney, whom, during what are supposed to be his peak years, has plummeted from being a below-average first-baseman to a straight up bad baseball player.

I knew the offense was going to be bad but this is just heinous. The sterling starts of Kemp, Ethier, and especially Gwynn have been a real pleasure and godsend for the Dodgers, but the rest of the bats are really bringing this team down. The Dodgers are 11th out of 16 in AVG and OBP, 13th in walks 14th in slugging, and tied for last in doubles and home runs.

The way they're hitting, there's no way Donnie Baseball's team can keep their heads above .500 for much longer.

Tonight's lineup

2011-04-01T15:31:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of MSTI

1. Rafael Furcal SS
2. Ivan DeJesus, Jr. 2B
3. Andre Ethier RF
4. Matt Kemp CF
5. Juan Uribe 3B
6. James Loney 1B
7. Marcus Thames LF
8. Rod Barajas C
9. Chad Billingsley P

It's a beautiful day for a ballgame...

2011-03-31T10:15:00.000-07:00

Today's Forecast:
Sunny
85 Degrees F
100% chance of baseball

Happy (real) First Day of Spring!

Furcal 6,
Gwynn, Jr. 7,
Ethier 9,
Kemp 8,
Loney 3,
Uribe 5,
Barajas 2,
Carroll 4,
Kershaw 1.

That's an ugly lineup. I'd switch Carroll and Gwynn but that's not going to do much to cover up the ugly lack of talent.

Two more days

2011-03-29T12:29:00.001-07:00

Say Hello to your 25-Man

2011-03-28T10:22:00.001-07:00

Mike Scioscia's Tragic Illness has the scoop:

Hitters (14)
C Rod Barajas R/R
C Hector Gimenez S/R
1B James Loney L/L
2B Ivan DeJesus, Jr. R/R
SS Rafael Furcal S/R
3B Juan Uribe R/R
IF Jamey Carroll R/R
IF Aaron Miles S/R
LF/OF Tony Gwynn, Jr L/R
LF/1B Jay Gibbons L/L
LF/PH Marcus Thames R/R
LF/OF Xavier Paul L/L
CF Matt Kemp R/R
RF Andre Ethier L/L

Pitchers (11)
SP Clayton Kershaw L
SP Chad Billingsley R
SP Ted Lilly L
SP Hiroki Kuroda R
CL Jonathan Broxton R
RP Hong-Chih Kuo L
RP Kenley Jansen R
RP Matt Guerrier R
RP Blake Hawksworth R
RP Mike MacDougal R
RP Lance Cormier R

Disabled List (4)
SP Jon Garland R
RP Vicente Padilla R
C Dioner Navarro S/R
3B Casey Blake R/R

My predictions never took account the fact that we would inevitably have disabled guys going into Opening Day, but I'm still rather proud of my Ivan DeJesus Jr. pick. Hopefully his glove and on-base skill keeps him on the roster.

There are also the big surprises we see every season. MacDougal, Cormier, Miles, and Gimenez weren't on anyone's radar 2 or 3 months ago. How long they'll last is anyone's guess.

Also, the team goes into the season not needing the 5th starter role (which looks like it might be Tim Redding's because the Dodgers are stupid), so they're carrying 6 OF's. It will only be a week or so before we see this roster churn a bit. Paul and Gimenez are out of options, which makes their presence on the 25-man essential for the Dodgers' hopes of keeping them around.

Gimenez' versatility seemingly vanishes if he is relegated to back-up catcher, usually the last guy out of the dugout. It will be interesting to see how Mattingly works the playing time between the two. It should be noted that the Gimenez/Ellis battle appears to be the only one really still alive, but Ellis (like lefty reliever Scott Elbert) has options and can be sent down. Keeping Cormier, Gimenez, and company is all about depth.

New Link

2011-03-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Check out Blue Heaven for another cool blog. They've got an interview with the author of a book about the Brooklyn Dodgers in Cuba. Very cool. Thanks to KidCuba for the tip.

Donnie Baseball Acting Dumb

2011-03-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

From The Times:

Batting matters

The Dodgers have the worst hitting team in the big leagues so far this spring, but Mattingly — formerly the team's batting coach — says he is not concerned.

"Not really. Not at all, actually," he said. "It just doesn't matter."

The Dodgers entered play Tuesday with a team batting average of .239, but once the regular season opens, "nobody remembers that this guy hit .450 in the spring or he hit .120," said Mattingly, who had 2,153 hits in his 14-year career with the New York Yankees.

"I saw [Gary] Sheffield go a whole camp without hardly getting a hit and he gets three hits the first day" of the regular season, Mattingly added. "Jesse Barfield, the same thing."

Mattingly also noted that until the Dodgers went flat in the latter half of 2010, "we were a pretty good offensive club" and one that still has "pretty much the same guys."

"I have no reason to think this isn't the same offense that we had two years ago or up until the [All-Star] break last year," he said.

Mattingly said the Dodgers' hitting woes wouldn't have come up much when he was playing (1982-95), but with advances in technology and real-time statistics always available, that has changed.

"Seriously, you did not ever see a stat sheet in spring training" in the past, Mattingly said. "Nobody ever really worried about it. It was just about getting ready."

Says the guy who never won a playoff Series. Mattingly ignores the fact that "advances in technology and real-time statistics" have actually helped teams improve their hitting. It's not just about "getting ready" anymore, especially when all the guys who are supposed to be getting ready are landing on the DL before the season even starts.

In addition, that whole entire thing about this team being very similar to the ones that went to the NLCS two straight years is silly because those teams had OBP and Manny. Spring stats may be bunk, but it's definitely much better to have something nice and bunk to look at than something awful and bunk.

So only weeks after praising Mattingly for being the anti-Torre, I'm quickly leaning toward "this guy is just as dumb."

Well, so much for pitching depth (plus picture day)

2011-03-09T19:04:00.001-08:00

Why does John Ely look so smug? Well, it's probably because he may have just slipped from 7th starter to the Opening Day roster.

Projected #5 starter Jon Garland strained his oblique today. Couple that with Vicente Padilla's injury and it looks like that glorious pitching depth we were all so happy about is getting shallower and shallower by the moment. I hate to admit it, but Ned Colletti did well to amass as many arms as he could this offseason.

There's no guarantee that Ely will fill Garland's spot with Tim Redding getting lots of work in camp. Even though Joe Torre's gone, I can't imagine the team will suddenly stop making the moronic decision of putting washed up old guys on the team over talented youngsters. So far this spring, the two dueling arms -- Ely and Redding -- have both pitched well but there's still plenty of Spring Training left for all that to change. The hotter hand will likely get the call.

The other, more likely option is that the team will break camp with only four starters. The Dodgers won't need a 5th starter until April 10, meaning that they could carry another outfielder (like the out of options Xavier Paul) for a week and a half before bringing up Ely to make his start. I forget where I read it today (either TrueBlueLA or Mike Scioscia's Tragic Illness - check the sidebar to the right for links), but the Dodgers traded the out of options Delwyn Young to the Pirates one day before Doug Mientkiewicz landed on the 60-day DL. You never know what'll happen.

So if I were a betting man, I'd say that Paul would enter the season with one last chance to stay with the team (his best bet would be an injury to a regular player so Tony Gwynn Jr. better watch his back). After ten days Ely would get the call.

---

In other news, check out how goofy some of the Dodgers Photo Day pics came out. Some of my personal faves:

Eugenio Velez looking like a cartoon character

A.J. Ellis scowling at Ned for signing Dioner Navarro to a major league deal.

Hector Gimenez looking like an enforcer for a drug cartel.

Marcus Thames can't shave symmetrically.

Russ Mitchell looking absolutely disgusting.

Dee Gordon looking like he belongs in a 3rd grade yearbook.

This guy, who's been erroneously (and hilariously) labeled "Vicente Padilla"
EDIT - turns out it's Dana Eveland, also known as the first cut of spring.

James Loney trying to look like a cool kid (a lot of the starters took photos with backward caps - none of them look good).

Ramon Troncoso looking like Raven Symmone

Juan Uribe looking more like a great-grandfather than a starting second baseman.

Don Mattingly sending Clayton Kershaw to his room without dinner

Davey Lopes has more wrinkles than an elephant's trunk

2011 Preview - The Bullpen

2011-03-09T00:12:00.000-08:00

I've finally reached the end of the preview.

It's a good thing I waited two weeks to post this because it seems like our bullpen arms are disappearing faster than Middle Eastern dictators.

A few weeks ago I would have told you that Vicente Padilla, Ronald Belisario, and Scott Elbert were all slated to shore up what was to be a solid pen. Now Padilla is out at least a month after undergoing surgery to free up a constrained tendon, Belisario has used up all his second chances and will likely never pitch for the Dodgers again after failing to report to camp on time for a third straight year, and Elbert has pitched (if you can call it that) himself back to the minors with his inability to throw strikes (6 BBs in 1.1 innings).

That means previously questionable guys like Blake Hawksworth and Ramon Troncoso are all but guaranteed spots in the pen, while the legion of non-roster invitees have another to fight over before the end of March. While that may pose a problem considering the assortment of spring training stiffs the Dodgers have recently let on the team, the 2011 bullpen will without a doubt be more tolerable to watch for no other reason than the fact that George Sherrill is 2,500 miles away.

First, let's hit the bullpen staples.

Jonathan Broxton
Love him or hate him (after last season, it's likely the latter), Don Mattingly has pegged Big Jon as his closer, though you can be sure he'll be on one of these from the get-go. You don't need the numbers to know that Broxton had an ugly 2010 so I won't even bother throwing them here, but I will say that sitting in the stands with my uncle for 40 minutes watching Broxton cough up a 4-run lead to the Yankees last summer was the worst baseball experience I ever had to endure. That night was unforgivable, though I place most of the blame on this clown for falling asleep at the wheel (side note - has there ever been an uglier human being than Joe Torre?) Broxton was never the same in 2010 after that dismal night against the Yanks when he was left out to rot on the mound, making a total of 48 pitches even though it was evident after 8 that he had nothing. I don't really know what to expect from Broxton in 2011. He could either rebound like Chad Billingsley did last season or continue to struggle like most Dodgers seem to do. His loss of velocity late in the season is scary, but a long offseason full of rest likely did the big Tennessean some good. Either way, Broxton has the propensity to choke in big situations (in the Dodgers Dictionary it's called "Niedenfuering")and there's only so long the Dodgers faithful will allow him to get away with it. Dodgers fans simply don't trust Jonathan Broxton.

Hong-Chih Kuo
It's hard to believe that Kuo and Broxton are the longest tenured guys on the team. The only other guy on the active roster who played for the team in 2005 is Dioner Navarro, who found himself in Tampa Bay midway through 2006. Kuo is coming off one of the best seasons any Dodgers pitcher has ever had, striking out 73 in 60 innings and keeping left-handers hitless until after the All-Star Break. When Broxton lost the closer job late in the season, Kuo picked it up and ran with it, earning 12 saves on the year to go along with his 1.20 ERA. Perhaps the true ace in the bullpen, Kuo is the guy you can expect to see pitching those tough 8th innings and coming in to shut down guys like Aubrey Huff and Carlos Gonzalez (no more Adrian Gonzalez in San Diego). The only thing keeping Kuo from being the Superman of the staff is his injury history and the tender care taken by his coaches not to stress an electric arm that has already sustained 4 surgeries (including two Tommy Johns). This is why Torre refused to use him on back-to-back days, electing instead for 2-inning appearances when he really needed Kuo's help. I expect Mattingly to follow suit to make sure Kuofax doesn't end up like Koufax -- forced to hang 'em up before his time is up.

Matt Guerrier
The new guy on the staff is actually quite the mystery to me. I pride myself on being a huge nerd about baseball and a fountain of information on players and teams. So for me to respond to the news of Guerrier's signing with, "um, excuse me, who?" tells you a lot. Turns out the 32 year-old Guerrier has been Ol' Reliable out of the Twins bullpen the past several years. While he does have a solid track record (though not as many K's as one would like), the biggest red flag has to be the fact that Guerrier has pitched at least 73 games in each of the past four years. Considering that relievers this day and age have the same lifespan of fruit flies and are a dime a dozen, it is never, never, never, never, never advisable to make a long term commitment to a setup man. I was hugely pissed when I saw we had signed Guerrier for three years, shoring up our miniscule 6th-inning hole in the bullpen, while the gaping wound in left-field was left to hemorrhage. But Guerrier should be a solid bridge guy to get the ball to Kuo and Broxton assuming his arm doesn't fall off. But since we can only hope that Mattingly won't be the Angel of Death that Torre was to middle relievers' arms, it's not unreasonable to envision a situation in 2013 where Guerrier will be collecting a paycheck to sit on a hammock somewhere watching the Dodgers on TV like the rest of us.

Kenley Jansen
It's rather pleasant that in a bullpen stocked with the electric Kuo and enigmatic Broxton it's this young man from Curacao who could be the most exciting arm to watch in 2011. A couple years ago Jansen was a weak-hitting catcher who could fire the ball to second base. Less than a year after his conversion to the pitcher's mound, Jansen struck out 41 major leaguers during a 27 inning stint with the big club. He's already been pegged with the future closer tag and with this being a make-or-break year for Jonathan Broxton, Jansen has a huge opportunity to make big things happen in his rookie season. We'll likely find out before the end of April whether those 27 innings were indeed a legitimate foretelling of Jansen's lasting skill coming out of the bullpen or if major league hitters just needed a little bit of time to find his holes (much like what happened to John Ely last year). Only time will tell with Jansen, but his progress and development should be very interesting to follow in 2011. Expect to see Donnie Baseball challenge him with work in the 8th inning and beyond when needed.

Ramon Troncoso
It's easy to forget that Troncoso and Belisario were the big workhorses of that outstanding 2009 bullpen. Like other victims of Torre's bullpen obsessions, both pitchers' overuse led to struggles in 2010. Troncoso couldn't pitch consistently enough to keep his spot on the big league roster and saw a lot of time in Albuquerque. So far he has been nearly perfect this spring and looks to be a fix for the Opening Day roster thanks to the troubles of Padilla, Belisario, and Elbert. It would be a pleasant surprise to see Troncoso get back to his 2009 form, but any sort of decent consistency in the 6th-inning role would be welcomed. No longer seen as a marquee set-up man, Troncoso merely needs to put in good innings to prove his worth.

Blake Hawksworth
No longer the "oh wow, we managed to get something in return for dumping that piece of crap" guy in camp, the injury to Vicente Padilla affects Hawksworth more than any other Dodger because he is the only other guy on the staff who fits the bill of potential long reliever. Part of the allure of signing Padilla as the sixth starter was that Mattingly would have a nice power arm in the pen who could pitch for multiple innings at a time and make an emergency start here and there. Hawksworth was lights out in the pen for St. Louis two years ago and only really struggled after the Cardinals tried to make him a starter. Now he's Rick Honeycutt's project and almost assured a spot on the starting roster, ready to mop up after one of our starters gets chased in the early innings (too bad for him that Charlie Haeger isn't around anymore). What will determine what happens to Hawksworth when Padilla returns is how he pitches during the first month. If he struggles he'll likely find himself in an Isotopes jersey as soon as Vicente is ready to start his season. If he prospers, his usefulness will keep him around.

The final spot in the pen is up for grabs and a ton of hands are reaching for it. Ned Colletti handed out minor league contracts like they were going out of style this offseason. I'm usually the last guy to pay a compliment to the man who has bumbled and blundered his way through his first five seasons as general manager, but he made sure he was more than prepared for any problems this pitching staff could have encountered this spring.

Colletti also has a number of young arms in camp trying to get over the hill and stabilize themselves in the major leagues. If 2011 is anything like the past few seasons, the team will move into the season with the hottest hand even though Spring Training stats are almost completely worthless.

Here's the list of guys gunning to be #25 out of 25.

Travis Schlichting - Pitched well in his few stints last season, sporting an amazing mullet, been roughed up so far this spring. Probably going to start in AAA but I think 2011 will be the year he sticks in the pen for us.

Scott Elbert - As was mentioned earlier, the LOOGY role was his to lose and he's done his best to lose it. Dodgers don't need to give him a spot on the active roster until he can prove he deserves it. First step is to find the plate.

Roman Colón - While he gets bonus points for riling up that walrus on the Brewers, the ex-Royal seems to have an uphill battle. He still has a 0.00 ERA after 4 appearances this spring but he's allowed 7 base runners so far, including five walks.

Lance Cormier - Part of some of those great Rays bullpens of recent years, his walks have always been his undoing. He's yet to walk anyone this spring, but the same goes for his strikeouts (not his hits though - he's allowed 6 of those in only 3 innings).

Wilkin De La Rosa - The former Yankee farmhand is probably a longshot to make the staff. Like most of these candidates, he's walked too many, struck out too few, and has little in the form of reputation to get him by.

Jon Huber - The 29 year-old has been the victim of poor Spring Trainings in the past preventing him from securing spots in the bigs. Decent in 28 major league innings, doing well so far this spring.

Mike MacDougal - One of the posterboys for those who hate that every team gets an All-Star rep, MacDougal was an All-Star with the Royals eight years ago. Typical criticism is that he doesn't strike out enough guys. His closer experience is rather meaningless but it definitely affects the way people perceive him. Tony Jackson of ESPNLA thinks MacDougal is a favorite to make the team. He's pitched well in three innings this spring.

Ron Mahay - Another favorite, the lefty served alongside Guerrier in the Twins bullpen the past couple years. With Elbert out of the LOOGY race and Kuo (the only LHP slated for the pen) set to be the 8th inning guy, Mahay could have taken a big league in this little competition if not for the fact that he's already given up two homers to left-handed hitters this spring.

Juan Rincon - The long-time Twin hasn't had a full season in the majors with an ERA below 5.00 since 2005. I don't think he's a priority for the team. Pass.

Luis Vasquez - A 24-year old on the 40-man roster who has never pitched above A-ball, he's been shellacked so far this spring.

Jon Link - Link came over with Ely from the White Sox in the Juan Pierre trade. He's looked good in sporadic big league stints but, like most of the guys fighting for spots, has had a rough spring so far. He's heading to Albuquerque. It should be noted that he also has the ability to start.

Oscar Villareal - Not happening.

Tim Redding - A veteran journeyman starter who has been featured quite a bit so far this spring, he's another longshot and it seems like his only hope of making the team is if one of the starters goes down. It's not beyond reason that if he continues to pitch all right he might swipe the bullpen spot from the flailing others.

Where we stand now, the final bullpen spot is wide open. Depending on Padilla's ETA, it could be that the guy who eventually gets it will have his days numbered unless he pitches like Bob Gibson. For now, since this is really just a guessing game, I'll get behind Tony Jackson and pick MacDougal, though Huber, Mahay, or even Redding could potentially make it in. If I were to bank on which of these guys was going to have the biggest effect on the 2011 Dodgers as a whole though, I'd have to go with either Schlichting and Link.

Predictions:
Broxton - Closer
Kuo - 8th Inning
Guerrier - 6th and 7th
Jansen - 6th and 7th, 8th on Kuo's off days
Troncoso - 6th and 7th
Hawksworth - early-middle and long relief
MacDougal - mop up duty

Roster

Lineup
C - Rod Barajas
1b - James Loney
2b - Juan Uribe
3b - Casey Blake
SS - Rafael Furcal
LF - Jay Gibbons
CF - Matt Kemp
RF - Andre Ethier

Bench
C - Dioner Navarro
OF - Tony Gwynn Jr.
OF - Marcus Thames
IF - Ivan De Jesus
UT - Jamey Carroll

SP - Clayton Kershaw
SP - Chad Billingsley
SP - Hiroki Kuroda
SP - Ted Lilly
SP - Jon Garland

RP - Jonathan Broxton
RP - Hong-Chih Kuo
RP - Matt Guerrier
RP - Kenley Jansen
RP - Ramon Troncoso
RP - Blake Hawksworth
RP - Mike MacDougal

So there's my predicted 25-man roster. Here on March 9, I still stand by all my guesses even though Aaron Miles, a late sign, looks to be building steam to take that final spot on the bench. I think the Dodgers were rooting for the versatile Russ Mitchell to earn a spot but he's only mustered two singles and a walk in sixteen plate appearances. Justin Sellers has been given a number of chances as well, but he hasn't impressed at the plate nor in the field. My sleeper prediction, Ivan DeJesus Jr., is hitting a cool .313 and playing solid defense. Juan Castro, gunning for a fourth Dodgers stint, has a homer and a double.

But like I said, spring stats mean nothing, though Jerry Sands hitting .462 has been nice to see.

Farewell to the Duke of Flatbush

2011-02-27T15:02:00.001-08:00

It's a sad day for the Dodgers family as we've lost one of the greatest sluggers to ever don the uniform. A man with no shortage of nicknames - the Silver Fox, the Duke of Flatbush - Edwin Donald Snider has died at 84.

The greatest Dodgers center fielder in history, Duke Snider was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1980. His #4 is up there with Robinson's #42 and Koufax' #32 as the stuff of Dodger royalty. I'll always remember the Duke as the tender, misunderstood, larger-than-life giant from Roger Kahn's The Boys of Summer.

Who better to send off the Duke than Vin Scully, who provided the official Dodgers statement:

“He was an extremely gifted talent and his defensive abilities were often overlooked because of playing in a small ballpark, Ebbets Field. When he had a chance to run and move defensively, he had the grace and the abilities of DiMaggio and Mays and of course, he was a World Series hero that will forever be remembered in the borough of Brooklyn. Although it’s ironic to say it, we have lost a giant. He’s joining a great Dodger team that has moved on and I extend my sympathies to his entire family, especially to Bev.”

Farewell, Duke Snider. Have fun patrolling the great center field in the sky

Spring Break!

2011-02-24T23:56:00.001-08:00

Our spring break is in the dead of winter. Naturally. Remember to check the starting pitching preview. Bullpen will be up soon.

So far, so good

2011-02-22T12:44:00.001-08:00

Vin Scully is My Homeboy put up this pic of the new Dodgers magazine cover. Now I wouldn't usually endorse this kind of propaganda, but I have to say I'm very pleased with how Donnie Baseball is doing so far.

Unlike his predecessor, Mattingly is saying all the right things when they need to be said. He started Spring Training with the announcement that Clayton Kershaw will be the opening day starter (not that Torre wouldn't have, but having Jon Garland on the roster would have made the decision difficult), he's given straight answers to reporters' questions (very anti-Ned), and he hasn't named Eugenio Velez as his cleanup hitter (yet). Donnie has surrounded himself with some good Dodger names on his coaching staff (Hansen, Wallach, and Lopes), as well as put his focus on getting the guys as ready as they can fundamentally. As you likely remember, the team was painfully sloppy last year and Torre sat on his hands all summer to watch.

So... so far, so good, Donnie. Let's just remember how many mound visits we get per inning.

UPDATE -

"I know everybody talks about [James Loney's] power, but he has been right around 90 RBI every year," Dodgers manager Don Mattingly said. "Last year, he was on pace to drive in 115-120. He had 63 at the break, and it just went bad. Nobody would even be talking about home runs if he had driven in 115 runs. ... I think this guy has it in him, I really do.

Oh for Christ's sake, Don.

Pitching preview is coming.

----------------
Now playing: Buena Vista Social Club - Chan Chan
via FoxyTunes

2011 Preview - The Starting Pitchers

2011-02-21T02:40:00.000-08:00

Before I begin, I'd like to update you on my life. I applied to a bunch of schools for my Master's and will likely submit a few more applications soon enough, but I've turned my concentration toward Teach For America, an organization I really think fits me and what I where I want to go with my life.

I assume the TFA folks would only need to Google my name and to happen upon this blog. If you're reading this now, TFA Admissions Officer, please do not assume that I am as bitter and resentful about most things as I am the Dodgers and Frank McCourt. After all, today I'm going to talk about starting pitching and how pleased I am with what we've got going into 2011.

Also, TFA Admissions Officer, I didn't deactivate my Facebook to hide from you. I decided to do a Facebook-Free February before I even applied. And so far it's been good, three weeks in and I have yet to feel withdrawals. I'm also the most productive than I've ever been, reading and writing like a roadrunner. I keep going back and forth whether I want to reactivate my profile on March 1. I guess since my birthday is March 13 and I may want to hang out with people, it might be a useful tool. It'll be a game-time decision.

Now, onto the rotation...

Even with the sudden (and "shoulda' saw that coming") injury to Vicente Padilla, the Dodgers Starting 5 is intact. Having Padilla as the emergency sixth starter was a nice little gift going into Spring Training but now we're one Rotator Cuff injury away from Carlos Monasterios or John Ely hopping into the rotation (and Jeff Weaver getting a roster spot).

All we can do now is cross our fingers and hope the rest of spring training will go off without a hitch.

The Dodgers rotation may not have the star power of the ludicrously good Phillies Phront Phive (need to copyright that) or the upside of the stellar young Giants squad that just carried the team to the World Series, but it's likely one of the top 5 in the National League. I'd take Kershaw, Billingsley, Kuroda, Lilly, and Garland, all capable of putting up 200 innings and keeping an ERA under 4.50, over all others aside from the Phillies, Giants, and maybe the Brewers & Braves (note that the Cards just lost Adam Wainwright today and Tommy John surgery looks to be on the horizon).

Pitching doesn't look to be a huge issue for the team this season, nor does it ever seem to be. Whether its because of underrated pitching coaches, desirable pitching conditions at Dodger Stadium, or Stan Conte's special supply of "vitamins," Dodger pitching has been stellar the past few seasons. At the end of 2010, while the offense was dawdling around like a bunch of losers, the Dodger rotation was unreal.

Clayton Kershaw
The ace. It's been a while since the Dodgers had a guy you were truly excited to see every 5th day. Last year, Kershaw became that pitcher. He went 200 innings for the first time in his career, lowered his WHIP and (hugely important) dropped his walk rate while increasing his strikeouts. He finished 2010 with an ERA+ of 132. Considering 100 is an "average" pitcher (Garland, pitching in Petco Park last year, was at 106), its safe to finally label the golden boy as a bona fide ace. Losing him would be a huge loss, but the rest of the staff could potentially pick up the slack if he were to be out a month or so. Longer than that and they'd be in big trouble.

Chad Billingsley
After an epic second half collapse in 2009 that saw his biggest critics attack his toughness, Billingsley shot back in 2010 with a solid performance that saw him up his K's and drop his BB's. Chad needs to regain the form that made him the Dodgers' best pitcher in 2008 (and second best just behind Brad Penny in 2007 when Bills was only 22). Billingsley's ceiling for 2011 is for him to be the Matt Cain sidekick to Kershaw's Tim Lincecum. It would be a huge disappointment to see him end up more like 2009 Bills, but 2010 looks to have been a good omen and another 130 ERA+ season like '07 and '08 wouldn't be out of the question. If he starts out of the gate as Bad Chad though, the Boo Birds and critics who question his ability to man up will start getting louder and louder.

Hiroki Kuroda
Although 2011 will only be Kuroda's fourth in the majors, he's been pitching professional ball since 1997 when he was a freshly caught 22-year old making his debut with the Hiroshima Carp (see what I did there?) of the Japanese Central League. Kuroda is the only guy on the staff I wouldn't deem a for-sure innings eater, as he has made three DL trips in his three seasons (though none last year), and he certainly comes with the most risk of injury out of all the Dodgers starters because of his history. He's been very good in Dodger blue though, and since you can't put a price on very good, his $12 million salary this year could be seen as a solid move if he does end up on the mound the entire year and continues on his track of delivering above-average pitching. His MLB career ERA is 3.60, he strikes out 3 times as many batters as he walks, and 2010 was his best season as a Dodger, so expecting Kuroda to be an above-average #3 starter is certainly reasonable. Health is the key think for the superHiro.

Ted Lilly
Ted Lilly came over to LA in one of Colletti's awful deadline trades last year. He rejoined the team that first drafted him and pitched very well, striking out 5 times as many batters as he walked. Unfortunately, he could have pitched like Walter Johnson and the team still would have ended up 40 games back, or however we ended up last season. Lilly's Achilles Heel has always been the home run and one would hope that he would be able to take advantage of the big outfields in the NL West to keep his fly balls in the park during the three years he signed to be a Dodger. Lilly has only put up one poor season (2005 in Toronto) since becoming a regular rotation fixture, and is a two-time All-Star as well as extremely efficient with his strikeouts and walks. He is a well above-average #4 starter and will certainly hop on up to #3 in 2012 after Hiroki Kuroda returns to Japan. I'm excited for Lilly and think it wouldn't be out of the question for the top 4 guys in the rotation to really lead this team to victory. They're not Halladay, Lee, Oswalt, and Hamels, but they don't need to be in this division.

Jon Garland
I was shocked when Ned Colletti signed Garland. How could this be the same GM that confidently journeyed into 2010 with Charlie Haeger the Horrible as his 5th starter? I was expecting to go back into this season with another fifth starter capable of getting zero outs before getting pulled in the first inning (I was at that game and Ramon Ortiz pitched 5 innings of mediocre relief that encouraged Torre to keep him around for far longer than he deserved). Garland, though, is coming off a solid year near the top of a Padres staff that almost dragged a historically bad offense into the postseason. A true innings eater, Garland has pitched at least 190 innings in each of the last nine seasons. His best season was in 2005 when he and Mark Buehrle pitched the White Sox to a World Championship. Those days are certainly behind him, but as a fifth starter in another relatively large ballpark (Garland, like Lilly, is a notorious fly ball pitcher - averaging 1.9 per 9 innings in his career), he should be just fine.

As I mentioned earlier, Vicente Padilla won't be the Dodgers' #6 starter until probably the All-Star Break. Non-roster pitchers in camp include Rubby De La Rosa (L.A.'s 2010 Minor League pitcher of the year who still needs some time on the grill), Dana Eveland (who has pitched for five teams and was never good anywhere), Tim Redding (see Dana Eveland), and Oscar Villareal (not as bad as the previous two but still not good). Other options include Albuquerque vet Javy Guerra, Jon Link, Ely, and Monasterios. Guerra has trouble finding the mitt and Link (as well as Scott Elbert and Blake Hawksworth) appears to be fighting for a bullpen spot. That leaves Ely and Monasterios, who both saw time in L.A. in 2010.

John Ely and Elymania roared through the Southland for about a month before he fell back to Earth, escaping from Chavez Ravine with an ERA just below 5.50. Whether it was wear, the other hitters figuring him out, or any other reason, the lively righty lost his mojo and became extremely hittable. All we can do is hope that the Ely of May 2010 who couldn't throw a base on balls will return and the Ely of June and beyond disappears into memory.

Carlos Monasterios, on the other hand, stuck with the team the entire reason for no reason other than the fact that he had to. As a Rule 5 pick, he needed to stay on the 25-man roster all season or else he would have been returned to the Phillies, the team from which the Dodgers claimed him. The young Venezuelan pitched well enough, especially out of the bullpen, but never seemed dominant, often scooting out of trouble rather luckily.

Monasterios and Ely will likely head the rotation in Albuquerque going into 2011, but I think the role of emergency sixth starter goes to the one who is the hotter hand at the moment of opportunity. With the starting five Colletti has somehow managed to put together, I'm confident we can at least contend in the division. It'll be up to the offense to take it from there.

Roster

Lineup
C - Rod Barajas
1b - James Loney
2b - Juan Uribe
3b - Casey Blake
SS - Rafael Furcal
LF - Jay Gibbons
CF - Matt Kemp
RF - Andre Ethier

Bench
C - Dioner Navarro
OF - Tony Gwynn Jr.
OF - Marcus Thames
IF - Ivan De Jesus
UT - Jamey Caroll

SP - Clayton Kershaw
SP - Chad Billingsley
SP - Hiroki Kuroda
SP - Ted Lilly
SP - Jon Garland

RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -

Next, the bullpen.

2011 Preview - The Outfield

2011-02-17T13:35:00.000-08:00

In the name of expediency, let's tackle the entire outfield today and move on to the pitching staff with our next post.

It doesn't seem so long ago that 2/3 of the Dodgers outfield were Silver Slugger winners and the third part was Manny Ramirez.

But Andre Ethier and Matt Kemp both struggled in 2010, Kemp with accusations of a lack of passion, Ethier with a nagging finger injury that derailed what looked to be a magical year.

But 2011 is a new year. Kemp's biggest critics - Joe Torre, Larry Bowa, and Bob Schaeffer - are all history. He's broken off his relationship with pop star Rihanna, meaning we can all stop pretending that was what was distracting him. And with Donnie Baseball and Davey Lopes offering a new approach to managing the budding star, it looks like Kemp enters this season with an unobstructed path toward finally breaking into the echelon of baseball's elite players. Whether or not he makes it there appears to be all up to him.

Ethier also comes in to Spring Training hoping to return to a previous glory. He was the best hitter in the major leagues for the first two months of the year before a broken pinkie finger landed him on the disabled list. When he returned, Ethier's swing still looked hindered and his stats plummeted until the final stretch, where he managed to end on a high note. Despite his struggles, 2010 was still a productive year for Ethier, marking the fifth of five season in the majors where his OPS was above .800. Compare that to Dodger stars such as Steve Garvey, whose career began with five straight sub-.800 OPS seasons, or Eric Karros, who only had three such seasons ever. Ethier is as close to a sure thing in the middle of the order the Dodgers have had since Sheffield or Piazza. We only wonder what may have been if he hadn't gotten hurt taking extra hacks in batting practice last season. Ethier will either stabilize as a decent middle-of-the-order bat or continue the upward pace he was on before his injury.

Whether or not we get the Kemp and Ethier of '09, they're the foundation the team is built upon. As I wrote in the last post, their performances, along with the health of Rafael Furcal, are going to be what make or break this team.

The 2010 season also saw the Dodgers' left field situation downgrade from sure-thing Manny Ramirez to a gaping black hole. We may remember 2010 as the year Ned's love affair with awful washed-up vets came back to bite him, Messieurs Anderson and Podsednik being the poster-boys. Scotty Pods, evidently confident that his atrocious play down the stretch would be rewarded, turned down a $2 million option to come back to L.A. this year. The gamble didn't quite pay off, as he just signed a minor league deal with Toronto.

The rest of the season we saw a revolving door of outfielders try and make an impact in the lineup. Jay Gibbons was a pleasant surprise. Trent Oeltjen was unspectacular but managed to get on base. Mostly absent was Xavier Paul, whose few chances to make an impact at the major league level have been plagued by injury and being lower than Garret Anderson on the depth chart.

Paul is out of options and one would hope he could get a shot to make the big club before Colletti ships him off to Pittsburgh or Tampa Bay, but it looks like his fate is sealed. When Ned wasn't signing random right-handed relievers, he was picking up crappy outfielders. Oeltjen is back on a minor league deal. Gibbons is back on a major league deal and is expected to begin the season as the starter. More on him in a bit.

Former Giant Eugenio Velez is getting an invite to Spring Training and will be wearing the number 9 (shows how much anyone really cares about Russ Mitchell, I guess). All you need to know is that the Giants non-tendered Velez even though he wasn't arbitration eligible. That means he wasn't getting a raise and they could have paid him chump-change (if you can call $400,000 chump change) and they still got rid of him. Ned... it's because he sucks.

Gabe Kapler is also getting a trip to Camelback Ranch this spring. Colletti loves guys like Kapler who once did something good (hit for the cycle), have some sort of "gamer" personality (retired to manage in the minors but came back to play in the majors again), and aren't particularly good (hit .210 and .239 the past two years in TB). If anything he'll be the star in Albuquerque this summer and hope for Ethier to break another finger because Colletti would most certainly turn to someone with experience over someone with tangible skill.

Speaking of tangible skill, Tony Gwynn Jr. doesn't have any. The epitome of Major League nepotism, Gwynn got a major league contract this offseason, meaning he'll be the main backup to Kemp in center. He does play a good defensive center, but the hitting prowess that put his father in the hall of fame hasn't quite trickled down to Tony Jr. Like Kapler, he hit .210 last season and was so unimpressive that even the team that canonized his pops, the Padres, sent him on his way. While he's certainly no Eugenio Velez, Gwynn is fairly similar (if not inferior) to Xavier Paul. He's not costing much more though, so perhaps it all comes out in the wash. The word on the playground is that Gwynn will see playing time in CF with Kemp moving to a much more comfortable RF and Ethier shifting to LF. If Gwynn manages to hit well enough (he won't), Colletti would like that arrangement best.

Also coming to Spring Training (and wearing #62 and #63) are Trayvon Robinson and Jamie Hoffmann. Robinson is still at least a few months away from being able to make an impact on the major league club but Hoffmann, who you may remember from a brief stint with the Dodgers in '09 (and for being the #1 pick in the Rule 5 draft last year before being returned to L.A.), should be able to compete for some playing time. If Joe Torre were still manager, he'd automatically be lower than Kapler and Velez on the depth chart. Since we have to give Mattingly the benefit of the doubt, we can assume that Hoffmann, who plays a sparkling outfield and has shown glimpses of batting skill, will be given a fair shake.

The final piece of Colletti's puzzle is Marcus Thames, last year's Yankees DH who slugged .491 and has hit 50 homers in the past three seasons with New York and Detroit. While his bat is his best asset, Thames is laughably bad in the outfield and can only fit in otherwise at first base. Regardless, he looks to be Gibbons' (another scare on defense) platoon partner for the time being, netting starts against lefties.

As for Gibbons, watching him make it back to the majors and do well was a real pleasure. As he was the guy who replaced Garret Anderson, Gibbons could have played like a 12-year old and he still would have been an improvement. I think Gibbons, like catcher Rod Barajas, is probably being overrated because of one hot month in a Dodger uniform. I don't have much confidence in his ability to maintain a starting job, but I'm open to being surprised.

Colletti has to have his fingers crossed that this left-fielder by committee thing won't blow up in his face. I questioned his priorities a few months ago when he was handing out a three year deal to a 7th-inning reliever while there was still a gaping hole in the outfield. The situation reeks of the bumbling GM simply putting a Hello Kitty band-aid on a massive, bleeding wound. It wouldn't surprise me to see this get real ugly before it gets any better.

Still, if Kemp and Ethier manage to excel (or if they completely bomb), it won't really matter who plays Curly in their group of stooges.

Spring Training Predictions
Kemp - Starter CF
Ethier - Starter RF
Gibbons - Starter LF
Thames - Backup LF
Gwynn - Backup CF
Paul - Traded
Hoffmann - AAA
Robinson - AA or AAA
Oeltjen - AAA or released
Velez - AAA or released
Kapler - AAA or released

Predicted 25-Man so far:

Lineup
C - Rod Barajas
1b - James Loney
2b - Juan Uribe
3b - Casey Blake
SS - Rafael Furcal
LF - Jay Gibbons
CF - Matt Kemp
RF - Andre Ethier

Bench
C - Dioner Navarro
OF - Tony Gwynn Jr.
OF - Marcus Thames
IF - Ivan De Jesus
UT - Jamey Caroll

SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -

RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -

Tomorrow - the starting staff.

----------------
Now playing: Elliott Smith - Coming Up Roses
via FoxyTunes

2011 Preview - Left Side of the Infield

2011-02-17T01:15:00.000-08:00

Three weeks later and I'm still alive. Pitchers and catchers (and Andre Ethier) have reported to Spring Training and I'm not done with this preview yet. The show must go on though, especially because I have so much to say about the abortion that is left field.

But first, the rest of the infield.

There aren't any big surprises as to who will be positioned to opening day starter Clayton Kershaw's right (or, since he'll probably end up pitching out of the stretch a lot, behind him). Barring any spring training injuries, Rafael Furcal will be the shortstop and Casey Blake will man the hot corner.

Furcal enters the final year of his second 3-year deal with the Dodgers. It will be his 12th season in the bigs but, as you may remember, Furcal was a young phenom (though not nearly as young as they thought he was) with the Braves, winning the Rookie of the Year award in 2000. As we Dodgers fans are aware, the Rookie of the Year award is no real indicator that a player will be a star, but Raffi has put together a fine career that, despite some time missed due to a bad back, has been absolutely solid.

The 2010 season was Furcal's best (if you can call 97 games a full season) and a big improvement over a slightly disappointing 2009 campaign. Furcal's slugging percentage was the best of his career (aside from the 36 game tear he went on in 2008 before missing almost the entire rest of the season to injury) and his speed returned, his SB count rising from 12 to 22 and his CS count falling from 6 to 4. Despite more nagging injuries, Furcal was an All-Star in Anaheim and made an impact late in the game by doing his best first-baseman impersonation on a throw from Cubs outfielder Marlon Byrd. Naturally, it bailed Jonathan Broxton out before he could cough up another 9th inning lead.

Furcal has been a delightful staple for this Dodgers team the past 5 years. His defense has always been brilliant, he has improved his ability to get on base, and he is a dynamic lead-off man capable of doing all the little things baseball purists love lead-off men to do. And since he's only 33 (ish), I can imagine that the team would love to reward him with another deal if he can prove he is resilient enough to play 140 games. Hell, if he plays like he did before getting hurt in 2008, the Dodgers might even take on the $12 million option for a 4th year on his current contract.

Unfortunately for Furcal and the Dodgers, the likelihood of that happening is doubtful (seriously - McCourt pay anyone not his lawyer or his son 12 million bucks?), but you have to hope for it because Furcal is likely the most vital cog in the machine behind Ethier and Kemp. If those three - Furcal and the two outfielders - struggle in 2011, this team is going nowhere.

Jamey Carroll is likely Furcal's main back-up, as he was last year. Carroll proved that he is a serviceable replacement who can get on base and make things happen. Because there are so many question marks in the middle of the infield, I think Ivan DeJesus Jr. has a good chance of making the team as an extra infielder. It would not be a stretch to assume that there could be a situation where the middle infield is made up of not Uribe and Furcal but rather Carroll and DeJesus.

If Furcal can't prove himself to be worthy of an extension, the Dodgers could go into 2012 with Uribe at shortstop and look for a new second basemen. Another hope would be that either DeJesus or Justin Sellers, whom we'll see in spring training, will have a solid 2011 perhaps be able to compete for the starting job. Then there's also Dee Gordon, one of the team's top 3 prospects who could possibly be ready in 2012, though he still needs some work getting some muscle on his body to be able to contend with the big boys.

---

Casey "Beardus Christ" Blake, when not having his shtick stolen by Brian Wilson, also enters 2011 in the final year of a 3-year deal. Unlike Furcal, I don't think there's much chance of seeing Blake in Dodger Blue after 2011. This is Blake's age 37 year. His age 36 year saw his production plummet, his OPS falling a whopping 105 points (832 to 727) from his solid 2009 to his underwhelming 2010. In 2009, Blake was one of the most valuable players on the team, a third baseman with power and a decent glove. Last year he was just another average body at the hot corner.

It's easy to blame age for his decline, but Blake had the best season of his career in 2009 at 35. Another resurgence is possible and, even though his stats were meager in comparison to what one would hope for from the hot corner, Blake was still statistically the best third baseman in the division last year.

In all likelihood though, we're watching Blake devolve from a solid big league third baseman to perhaps only a decent regular or even part-time player. Part of the argument for signing Uribe was the fact that he can easily patch up a hole if one were to appear at the hot corner. The Loney-Carroll-Furcal-Uribe infield could be popular if Blake gets hurt or struggles. Beard can also spell Loney at first base. He and Gibbons will see time as the backup.

There has also been talk of sticking Blake in left field from time to time. Since the team appears committed to having Uribe's bat in the lineup, sticking Blake in left field would allow Uribe to play the position he defends the best and gets Carroll's OBP in the batting order. There will certainly be some situations where I would much rather see Jamey Carroll in the lineup than any of the clowns in the revolving door at left field.

That I just typed the previous sentence really serves as a testament to how screwed we are.

When Colletti signed Blake a few years ago, top prospect Josh Bell became expendable. He became the Orioles' big catch in the George Sherrill trade. Baltimore just traded for former D'backs dual home run and strikeout machine Mark Reynolds, so perhaps Bell is on his way to becoming Andy La Roche version 2.0. Either way, we don't have anyone lined up to take Blake's spot in 2012 (unless, of course, we just stick Uribe there).

Our best case scenario in 2012 probably doesn't include Blake, so I hope he manages to have a decent season and ends up with a nice final deal somewhere. I think the ideal scenario in 2012 would be to have Uribe at third, Furcal at short on a two-year deal, and one of the Gordon, Sellers, DeJesus trio at second base. In all likelihood, we'll probably see Ned make a boneheaded free agent pickup (or two).

The early list of 2012 free agents up the middle include such obvious Ned signings as Jose Lopez ("we like what he could possibly do with the bat... in a vacuum"), Jack Wilson ("Who wouldn't want another Jamey Carroll?"), Adam Kennedy ("he's a grade-A gamer who once touched David Eckstein"), and Yuniesky Betancourt ("We just hate our team"). Also, does it shock anyone else that Ned has never signed Alex Gonzalez or Orlando Cabrera? Those guys are the kinds of washed up journeymen our GM salivates over.

Is it too early to look forward to 2013?

Predicted 25-Man so far:

Lineup
C - Rod Barajas
1b - James Loney
2b - Juan Uribe
3b - Casey Blake
SS - Rafael Furcal
LF - Jay Gibbons
CF -
RF -

Bench
C - Dioner Navarro
OF -
OF -
IF - Ivan De Jesus
UT - Jamey Caroll

SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -

RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -

----------------
Now playing: The Clash - Rock The Casbah
via FoxyTunes

2011 Preview - Second Base

2011-01-30T20:00:00.001-08:00

I'm super excited for our second base situation next year because we picked up a guy this offseason with two (count 'em TWO) World Series rings. This means he's a winner. And winners win. And that's what we want. So therefore, Juan Uribe is Jesus.

That's how this post would begin if Curse of the Piazza were a division of the big Dodgers club. Thankfully, we at CotP HQ don't get a cut to be like this guy, so we're going to tell it like it is.

And Juan Uribe is a scary 3-year investment.

Becoming one of the richest players who didn't even have a regular job last year, Uribe inked a deal that has him here in LA through 2013 (or, God-willing, 2012 if the Mayans were right). Colletti absolutely loves his ex-Giants (I think we're still paying Jason Schmidt the equivalent to Bhutan's GDP this year), and Uribe was a big player in San Francisco's World Series campaign last year.

But he also comes with a lifetime .300 on-base percentage, meaning he makes an out 7 times out of ten. Many predict he'll be batting second and getting loads of at-bats. That spells out more hard times for the middle of the order, who will be coming up with more outs and less guys on base. Uribe does have 4 seasons of 20+ homers under his husky-sized belt, meaning he's but another example of Colletti sacrificing on-base percentage for power, while simultaneously sacrificing athleticism for rotundness. In a 162-game season, we've seen guys who have put on pounds unable to sweat it out. So signing Uribe, who has had disciplinary issues in the past with Colorado and the White Sox, to three years sounds like the kind of thing we'll be regretting when he's pushing 300 opening day 2012.

At the same time, it's not like we have many better options. Jamey Carroll showed last year why he's such a valuable piece off the bench, but he's another year older and too weak to be a starter. His OBP makes him an attractive fill-in though and I can definitely see him getting ample playing time as soon as one of the regulars gets hurt.

Among the infielder Spring Training invitees this year are Juan Castro (who has to have photos of Colletti in drag or something to have been invited back again), top prospect Dee Gordon, 24-year old Justin Sellers, the recovering Ivan De Jesus Jr., and Russ Mitchell (talked about him here).

Aside from Gordon, who is merely heading to the big league camp since he's got a definite future, De Jesus and Sellers are certainly the most interesting of the other candidates.

De Jesus was supposed to be a staple of the big team by now, but was derailed in 2009 by a broken leg that kept him out of all but four games. He came back with a decent, but unspectacular, 2010 in Albuquerque and fell off all the top 10 prospects lists. Still, there's no place left for him to rise and he's only 23. Even as he is now, he offers much more than the 38-year old Castro, who seems like he's been around as long as the other crappy Castro.

Sellers is less-known infielder who split time between High-A and AAA Albuquerque last season, showing off impressive plate discipline and decent pop. He plays both middle infield positions and could make a splash with a hot spring.

At the end of the day though, Uribe is our second baseman and he'll provide decent production as well as a good glove. He's a huge improvement over Ryan Theriot, who had no business being a mid-season acquisition by a team trying to make the postseason. Still, he's a glorified utility man being paid $21 million. He'll likely see some time at 3b to spell Casey Blake (and we may even see Blake in LF from time to time to spell both members of that risky platoon) and SS for Furcal. I wouldn't be surprised if our double play duo is as much Carroll/Uribe as any other, considering Raffi's nagging injuries.

I'll give De Jesus the nod for the 25-man roster since he's already on the 40-man and I feel like he'll have a solid Spring. I like him better than Mitchell because we already have power off the bench with the non-starting side of the LF platoon. Uribe is basically backup 3b, Blake/Gibbons are backup 1b, and I think De Jesus offers more with the glove than Mitchell.

Uribe - Starter
DeJesus - Backup
Carroll - Backup
Sellers - AAA
Castro - Euthanized
Gordon - AA
Mitchell - AAA

Predicted 25-Man so far:

Lineup
C - Rod Barajas
1b - James Loney
2b - Juan Uribe
3b - Casey Blake
SS - Rafael Furcal
LF - Jay Gibbons
CF -
RF -

Bench
C - Dioner Navarro
OF -
OF -
IF - Ivan De Jesus
UT - Jamey Caroll

SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -

RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -

Schooling

2011-01-26T04:42:00.000-08:00

I figure I'd share some of what I'm doing at school.

I'm taking four classes (would have been 5 but I was the only soul signed up for Intermediate German and LMU purged it from the schedule). I devote the time that would have been spent studying German for a grade simply studying German. I also find that I have enough time to read for pleasure, which is great.

I'm taking 4 English classes. RoadWrite is a course where we read literature about or based on things in the LA area and then do excursions or trips to explore the locations. We'll do a trip up to Big Sur in February and then a bus trip out to the desert in April. I'm really looking forward to this one. So far I've composed a fictional account of a fake Museum exhibit on the extravagant chess set collection of Ottokar II, King of Bohemia in the mid-13th century. Yup.

My only straight Literature class is Adventure in 19th Century American Lit, which looks to be good because there are some English department all-stars in the class and we have a professor who accepts no BS. I've already read ahead and look forward to getting through it. It fulfills one of my final requirements for graduation so it's not like it was my first choice as a class to take, since I prefer more recent lit to stuff I can't relate to as well, but I'm beginning to think this was a blessing in disguise.

I'm taking two writing courses - Fiction Writing (scene/dialogue) and Play Writing (One-Act, 10 minute plays). We haven't gotten too far in Fiction Writing, though I'm looking forward to improving my transitions between description and dialogue. I've already finished first drafts of two plays for Play Writing. One is called Baseball Diamonds are Forever and the other is the mouthful Rob and Robert Write a Play about Writing a Play.

I didn't end up getting the Fulbright and Bayreuth looks more appealing day by day. I'm putting off the application. I don't know why.

2011 Preview - First Base

2011-01-24T23:03:00.001-08:00

Read my catching preview here.

---

I should take the time early on to mention that I'm sure James Loney is probably a wonderfully decent human being who works very hard to be the best ballplayer he can be.

The problem is, quite simply, that the best ballplayer he can be isn't much use to a ballclub gunning for the World Series and lacking in the fundamental necessity for any serviceable first-baseman: a live bat.

Throughout his career Loney has often been compared to Mark Grace, the big Cubs/D'Backs first-baseman who finished his career with an impressive slash line of .303/.383/.442 (that's an OPS of .815, boys and girls). Grace, who played from 1988 to 2003, enjoyed his best season during a 1995 campaign that saw him go .326/.395/.516 - .911, to go along with his third of four Gold Gloves and a league-leading 51 doubles. The following year saw Grace hit .331. His season OPS wouldn't drop below .800 until 2oo2, when he was 38 years old and coming off a solid 2001 where he helped the D'Backs win the World Series. To cap all that, Grace hit .329 in 82 career postseason at-bats with two home runs.

But it was those home runs that kept Grace from being considered a truly elite player, for although he was without-a-doubt an excellent first-baseman, it's hard to stick him in a room with Bagwell, Thome, Thomas, McGwire, Palmeiro, McGriff, Delgado, Mattingly, Martinez, Helton, and Giambi, and then make an argument that you'd include Mark Grace in your top 5. While most of the other guys were hitting 30, 40, or 50 (or 70) bombs a season, steroids or not, Grace never hit more than 17 in a season. And, as the professor-emeritus of baseball so perfectly once put it - "chicks dig the long ball."

So, what we can conclude from all this is that, although he wasn't the best first-baseman of his era, Mark Grace was underrated and the Cubs/D'Backs certainly did not suffer by employing him rather than one of the other guys.

That brings us to the Dodgers' current situation with James Loney, Grace's supposed "heir-apparent." The power numbers are similar - Loney's season high in homers is the 15 he smacked in 2007. Loney has also developed an ability to reach the gaps. His 41 doubles were good for fifth in the National League in 2010. Loney has even been a stud in the postseason (.349/.414/.540 - .954) with three home runs (including one huge grand slam) in 70 plate appearances.

Unfortunately, that's where the Mark Grace comparisons end and the 00's-era J.T. Snow ones begin.

Loney finished 2010 with a dreadful .267/.329/.395 - .723 line. That is just plain awful. There's no way you can spice that up. It's just bad, bad, bad.

Like the rest of the Dodgers offense, Loney couldn't wait for the second half to end, hitting a Juan Castro-esque .211 after the All-Star Break (the Dodgers' reaction? Promote the hitting coach!). Loney barely managed 10 home runs for the season and saw his defense, his supposed best asset, hiccup into mediocrity. It's arguable he was one of the ten best defensive first-basemen in the majors, at best.

Wins above Replacement (WAR) is a statistic used to quantify overall value. I could give you a list of first-basemen who were more valuable than Loney last season, but unfortunately it's much easier to present the small list of regular first-basemen who were worse than Big James (1.1):

Carlos Peña (1.0)
Michael Cuddyer (0.4)
Ty Wigginton (0.3)
Garrett Jones (0.1)
Jorge Cantu (0.0)

That's it.

The top 5 are Joey Votto (7.4), Albert Pujols (7.3), Miguel Cabrera (6.2), Aubrey Huff (5.7), and Adrian Gonzalez (5.3). Right in the middle of the pack are guys like Teixeira (10th at 3.5), Gaby Sanchez (14th at 2.4), and Ryan Howard (17th at 2.0). That means that Ryan Howard is, according to these stats, a mediocre first-baseman when compared to his peers). If Ryan Howard is a mediocre first-baseman, what does that make James Loney?

And therein we reach our problem. If Loney were a right-fielder or a third-baseman or a shortstop, he might be seen as just decent enough to warrant a spot in the starting 9. But instead, Loney is competing against a class of truly exceptional ballplayers, many of whom provide their team with a power bat and potential game-changing skills. Loney simply doesn't do that. The fact that power hitting first-basemen come a dime-a-dozen and the Dodgers instead keep Loney around means that they are forced to fish around for that necessary piece in other places where talent is thinner and the price skyrockets for anyone among the elite.

Just look at the Texas Rangers and Adrian Beltre. Beltre doesn't offer anything with the bat that a decent first-baseman can't give you, but because Beltre plays third-base (and a nifty third-base at that), the Rangers basically bid against themselves and handed our old buddy Adrian $96 million over six years. Right now we're paying Casey Blake $7 million to provide what we felt would be decent power numbers for a third baseman. If Blake were a first-baseman he'd be Loney-esque compared to the rest. But because he provides veteran stability at the hot corner, he got 3 years and $21 million two offseasons ago.

A big reason the Dodgers overpaid (heinously) and gave Juan Uribe a similar contract this offseason was because Colletti felt he could provide some power from the second-base position. If the Dodgers had a guy like Adam Dunn (whose 4yr/56mil contract with the White Sox was a huge bargain) at first-base, they wouldn't have to overpay for minimal power upgrades at other positions. Simply put, James Loney handicaps this team.

I know this is supposed to be a season preview and not a tarring-and-feathering, but it's important to fully flesh out all the details of the Dodgers' depressing dependence on such an albatross. Loney will make around $5 million in 2011 after arbitration - about the same that Mark Grace made during his richest year. As he still has more arbitration ahead of him, Loney will only get more expensive in the future. It's hard to argue that the Dodgers can afford to give their first-baseman Mark Grace money (let alone real first-base money) if he can't even put up Mark Grace (or real first-base numbers).

It appears the Dodgers are stuck with Loney for the time being. Although he's gotten worse each year for the past several (.919 OPS in '07, .772 in '08, .756 in '09, .722 in '10), the Dodgers have continued to stand by him. Many of his past coaches have made it clear they believe his power swing will come around any day now. If any day now doesn't come in 2011 though, it's hard to believe the team will bother to re-up him for 2012.

Loney will most certainly begin 2011 as the Dodgers' first-baseman, as the team really has no other option (sorry, John Lindsey). The 40 man roster does include Russ Mitchell, who will be fighting for a spot off the bench. If he makes the team out of Spring Training (I don't see it happening), Mitchell would likely be one of the primary backups. Dodger coaches have taken a liking to Mitchell because of his versatility and ability to play most positions on the field. His debutant ball in September last year could have gone much better though, as he couldn't buy a hit for most of the month. In the past we have also seen Casey Blake serve time as the backup at first-base, as well as Jay Gibbons and Andre Ethier (albeit, for only an inning).

On the farm, the Dodgers have the amazing Jerry Sands continuing his meteoric rise from obscure 25th-round pick to the star of the system and making many believe he (along with OF Trayvon Robinson) will be the first Dodger farmhand to eventually secure a starting job since Kemp and Loney in '07. While Sands has seen a lot of time in the outfield, with some additional innings trying to adapt to third base, his final resting spot may be at first-base if his bat gets to the point where it simply cannot be left out of the lineup. He'll be the most important prospect to watch in Spring Training this season, as he and Robinson are likely to don their first Dodgers game jerseys sometime during 2011.

Perhaps the best option for the Dodgers - dealing James Loney while he has value - has come and gone. There are rumors that the Nationals lobbied hard to take Loney off Ned's hands before they finally settled on Adam La Roche (statistically better). What Loney might really need is a change of scenery. His career stats are much, much, much better away from Dodger Stadium - a fact that has always been an issue with Loney. It would have certainly been interesting if Colletti had managed to swap Loney for Mike Morse (would make me feel better about our LF situation) and either a prospect or cash, and then went after one of the big-name first-basemen on the market such as Dunn or old friend Paul Konerko (naturally Ned didn't take advantage of our protected first-round pick).

With all things considered though, Loney remains the Dodgers' best option at first-base. Although it feels like we've been dealing with his growing pains forever now, Loney is still only 26 and won't be 27 until a month into the season. The player who best compares to Big James at age 26 on Baseball-Reference, interestingly enough, is another large first-baseman, the sleeveless Cincinatti Reds great Ted Kluszewski. Big Klu's batting average jumped from .259 to .320 when he jumped from 26 to 27. Then, his 27 year-old season home run mark of 16 shot up to 40 in his 28th.

That may be the only silver lining in this entire Loney situation. While Dodgers fans are one-by-one losing their faith in Big James, there's always the hope that Torre and Mattingly are right and Loney will go bonkers in 2011. He did, you'll remember, smack 15 home runs in only 375 at-bats during that 2007 season that saw him sitting behind Nomar Garciaparra in the depth chart. The best-case scenario for Dodger fans (and Loney, really) is that he'll rediscover that power swing and put at least 20 over the wall in 2011. Most 2011 projections don't see that happening, but stranger things have happened out of the blue.

Spring Training Predictions (the Dodgers have no 1b non-roster invitees):

Loney - starter at 1b
Gibbons - starter in LF, backup at 1b
Blake - starter at 3b, backup at 1b
Mitchell - Albuquerque
Lindsey - Designated for Assignment to make room on 40-man
Sands - Albuquerque

Predicted 25-Man so far:

Lineup
C - Rod Barajas
1b - James Loney
2b -
3b - Casey Blake
SS -
LF - Jay Gibbons
CF -
RF -

Bench
C - Dioner Navarro
OF -
OF -
IF -
UT -

SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -
SP -

RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -
RP -

CURRENTLY (re)READING - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

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Ethier goes Hollywood

2011-01-20T13:44:00.001-08:00

For all you Man vs. Food fans, Andre Ethier will be featured in a few episodes of that glutton's new show on Travel Channel.

Info here.

Once again, Vin Scully is My Homeboy has the scoop. That guy is unreal.

First-base post coming later today. It's taken me longer than I initially figured to go over how awful James Loney is...

2011 Preview - Catcher

2011-01-17T21:17:00.000-08:00

You know things aren't as you'd want them when your 2011 preview begins with a photo of Dioner Navarro from five years (and about 50 pounds) ago.

With Spring Training but a month away, I figure I'll do a position-by-position breakdown of the Dodgers as they look heading into camp. I'll go over each guy Ned has conned into signing on to this sinking ship as well as provide a list of the stiffs invited to Camelback Ranch in hopes of being this year's Garret Anderson.

Today we start with the backstops, a group of fellows so pathetic even Barnum would send them away.

Catcher

It doesn't seem too long ago that catcher was a no-brainer leading into Spring Training, with one of the league's most exciting young stars in Russell Martin manning the position with an impressive display of spirit and athleticism. But, alas, Martin is gone, having lugged his "distractions" to New York without even bothering to to make the customary pit stop in Miami.

While Martin was undoubtedly one of the biggest Dodger disappointments of the past few campaigns, his faults weren't nearly as bad as we made them out to be. Even though he wasn't the hotshot he had been from 2006 to the 2008 All-Star Game (when, ironically enough, he put on a spectacular show catching much of a marathon in the Bronx), Martin was still a lock to put up a .350 OBP (last season's .347 was the lowest of his career and one of the highest on the team) and is still only 27. He had regressed from being one of the top hitting catchers in the league to simply middle-of-the-pack but would have fit into our lineup well enough at the number two slot. Now it looks likely that Juan Uribe will hit there even though he has a legitimate medical allergy to getting on base.

This is not to say that I haven't pulled hair out of my head over Russell's awfulness. But who knows what might have been if Grady Little and Joe Torre had only discovered their balls and forced Martin to sit out a game or two every once in a while. Whether it was the distractions of a Hollywood lifestyle or simply the wear and tear of catching over 150 games per season, Martin lost whatever it was that made him a special player. We couldn't really waste $5 million on a player like him, seemingly in decline and coming off a season-ending hip injury, right?

Well, no - that wouldn't be advisable, but neither would be giving Rod Barajas, age 35 and fat, and Dioner Navarro, soon to be 27 and also fat, a combined $4.25 million instead. Now I've got nothing against fat people, but as you'll see as this preview continues, we've got an epidemic on our hands with this team and I don't see them as particularly resilient or athletic. Barajas, who provides a bit of pop to the lineup that Martin had long misplaced, compensates for this positive attribute with questionable skills behind the plate and a very negative sub-.300 career OBP. We'll get into how much the latter might hurt us later in the preview.

Barajas's new cohort Navarro, whose job as Dodgers catcher had originally been swashbuckled away by Martin himself, is coming off two seasons in Tampa Bay that make Juan Castro look like Ty Cobb. Not only is Navarro an abortion at the plate, he quit on the Rays last year after losing his job to John Jaso and Kelly Shoppach, electing to go home instead of staying on with the team as a potential emergency addition during their postseason series against the Rangers. Naturally Ned Colletti figured him to be an ample candidate for a guaranteed $1 million contract. I mean, why not? He only put up a .197/.270/.258 slash line last season, meaning his slugging percentage was a mere eleven points higher than Martin's batting average.

Signing two catchers for $4.25 million may seem like a good idea if you have a complete vacancy at the catching position. Despite Ned's best effort in ridding himself of valuable catching prospects, the Dodgers still have A.J. Ellis. While he may not be considered overly valuable, nor much of a prospect now that he's over 30, he does provide solid defense and a .363 on-base percentage. It's hard to argue that saving money on Martin was a good idea when Colletti is so willing to waste his resources on useless things like a spare Dioner Navarro. It's even harder to argue that Barajas/Navarro will be better than a younger Martin/Ellis duo. You can't underestimate the value of youth, considering our only real catching prospect looks to be a few years away from potentially taking a spot on the big league depth chart. Ned's moves have not even considered what we'll do in 2012. Hopefully he and McCourt won't be around by then to figure that one out.

From the sound of Mattingly's interviews the past few weeks, Barajas enters camp as the favorite to secure the starting job, though that's nowhere near set in stone and the switch-hitting Navarro is expected to put in some serious innings. Even if Ellis continues his streak of solid hitting from the end of 2010, I can't see this squad taking on a third catcher and both of the other guys have guaranteed contracts (dammit Ned) going into 2011. Still, I can't imagine Barajas and Navarro to both stay healthy the entire season, meaning that we'll probably see A.J. serve some insurance time at Chavez Ravine. That I'm excited at the possibility for A.J. Ellis to catch says all you to need to say about the state of our catching.

Note - there's actually one other catcher on our 40-man roster, 28 year-old Hector Gimenez. I know, right? Who the hell is that guy? Allegedly he saw two at-bats for Houston in 2006, striking out in one of them, likely grounding out weakly to the pitcher in his other. I assume he's just there to provide depth. You could make the case that perhaps he's on the 40-man as insurance for if Ned feels like he can get anything in a trade for Ellis. There were rumors last spring that KC was green on A.J., but Ned eventually traded the wrong catcher for a piece of garbage. Ellis may eventually be on the radar of a team that finds itself lacking depth or hurt by injuries during camp.

Also getting invites to Spring Training are former Rockie J.D. Closser, who has spent the last two years in the Dodgers' system as a Crash Davis type, and Damaso Espino, who I guess can catch and has a pulse or something...

Full list of Spring Training Invitees here.

Predictions for Opening Day
Rod Barajas (starter)
Dioner Navarro (backup)
A.J. Ellis (Albuquerque)
Hector Gimenez (cut)
J.D. Closser (Albuquerque)
Damaso Espino (cut)

Next post will be on the first-base situation, where the best option the Dodgers have at Camelback Ranch will be this guy.

Meghan sings Star Spangled Banner

2011-01-15T13:05:00.000-08:00

Dodgers Media Day

2011-01-13T01:23:00.000-08:00

Roberto from 'Vin Scully is My Homeboy' has a whole bunch of stuff from the media day he was invited today. The Dodgers treat him very well, which is cool I guess.

His photos
His videos

Mattingly addressed the media's questions...

Highlights include:
-Barajas looks to be our starter with Dioner Navarro relegated to being fat guy on the bench.

-Left field will be Gibbons, Gwynn, and (sometimes) Casey Blake, who should be able to play out there all right. He spent time there in Cleveland and it would allow the team to play Jamey Carroll. Carroll may not be much when it comes to pop but he's the only guy on the team who can possibly get on base at a .375 clip like he did last year and that makes him incredibly valuable, especially when surrounded like guys such as Uribe. I still can't believe we gave that fatass 3 years.

-More fat guy news (boy, we're just inundated with flab this year) - Broxton will be the closer and Donnie Baseball expects him to do well.

-Davey Lopes was there and said he's going to work on Kemp. It's nice to see a legit Dodger on the staff again after the past few years of carpetbagging Yankees. I guess Mariano Duncan was a "legit Dodger" too, but he was also crazy. Dave Hansen is also with the team as a second hitting instructor, so we should at least have some good pinch hitting I guess.

-New bench coach Trey Hillman speaks Japanese. At least he can yell some interesting new things at umpires.

-Mattingly was asked by the snarky Dylan Hernandez quite bluntly, "are you going to be any good this year?" The new skipper seemed confident that, even though we're basically working with the same parts as we had last year, there is plenty of room to improve. A lot of that falls on the shoulders of Kemp, who needs to regain his 2009 form. The same goes for Ethier, who really needs to remember how to hit left-handed pitching, and Loney, who really needs to just not suck like he did last year.

-Furcal and Blake will get more rest this year.

-While not naming anyone specifically, Mattingly implied that some of the youngsters who were working out today could see time with the big club. Ivan DeJesus Jr. is ready for big league pitching and will likely get a call up when Uribe goes down for the season after pulling a muscle reaching for the last chicken wing. Jerry Sands and Trayvon Robinson could also see some time in the bigs next year when they realize that gaping wound in left field isn't going to stitch itself up (nor will a couple Hello Kitty Band-Aids do the trick). Scott Elbert has a chance of making the team out of Spring Training.

Overall it's nice to see Donnie Baseball confident and green with anticipation for his big debutant ball. It's nice to see that for the first time in a while we don't appear to have any worthless old veterans taking up roster spots that should be reserved for better youngsters. The pitching staff is impressive on paper and the bullpen shouldn't be any worse than it was last season, Broxton notwithstanding.

Unfortunately, those pitchers aren't going to score any runs for themselves and Colletti's big failing this winter was not improving the offense. He added Uribe, who can provide a little pop and supplies adequate defense, but he also doesn't get on base enough and wasn't even holding down a full starter role last year with the Giants. Giving him 3 years was the kind of move a general manager with Down's Syndrome would have made.

I can't say I'm hugely confident in the core players all returning to their 2009 form, but it's not unreasonable to expect significant improvement after last year's abortion of a season. Kemp ended 2010 on a tear and is now liberated from the management with whom he didn't connect, so he has no excuses. Ethier is healthy and in the middle of his prime years. Loney... well, Loney sucks but hopefully some new coaches can at least get him looking like a real ballplayer.

Expect to see a full Spring Training preview in the coming weeks.

Best Reaction to the Arizona Shootings

2011-01-11T15:53:00.001-08:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Arizona Shootings Reaction

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

Uh-Oh

2011-01-10T13:19:00.001-08:00

Mike Scioscia's Tragic Illness on the Dodgers frightening offense... and not frightening in a good way.
Link

One last hurrah

2011-01-09T01:47:00.001-08:00

Winter Break is at an end. They stiffed me this year. The usual 4 week reprieve was shortened to a meager three. I think this is because we started a week later than usual this past semester but I'd much rather have the 4th week of winter over the 17th week of Summer. I'm excited nonetheless.

Few things... I've taken advantage of my ability to hermit it out this break and nearly fulfilled my reading quota of 5 books. I read all three Stieg Larsson Millenium books, Roger Kahn's The Boys of Summer, I continued my trek through the treacherous badlands of Ernest Hemingway's Death in the Afternoon, and began Joan Didion's Play it as it Lays. That was before I came down with a bad bit of something or another - food poisoning or a parasite or a stomach flu or a benign tumor or whatever it may be - and decommissioned myself for a few days. There was one morning where I had delusions where I couldn't get a grasp of who I was... it was surreal, I felt like I assume insane schizophrenics feel. I was jumping between the minds of characters I had been exposed to during the week in books and movies - inspectors, journalists, ghost writers - it was awfully unsettling so I put my imagination on a leash for a few days.

Here are the movies I've watched since 2011 began.

Rumble in the Bronx - 6/10
A nice blend of cheese and adrenaline. It's so over-the-top and silly, with funny dubbed voices and outrageous stunts (like dropping a truck full of inflatable rubber balls from a 5 story parking structure). I miss movies like this, where the awe factor of the movie makers doing ridiculous stuff made the experience. Similar sequences with CGI just aren't the same. I want to feel like that stuntman was legitimately at risk. There's no danger in computers animation.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Swedish) - 7/10
Lacking in some places, inspired and transcendent in others. It's a pretty good adaptation considering the book they were working with was a 600 page behemoth. The guy who plays Mikael Blomkvist is awfully stale. He didn't have much of a personality. I enjoyed spotting places I remembered from Stockholm and practicing my Swedish.

World's Greatest Dad - 8/10
I was surprised how good this was. It's iconic in my mind, haunting me still. It's certainly not what you'd expect, considering the way it was marketed and the fact that it's a 2000's Robin Williams movie (i.e. usually bad). Surprisingly dark, excellent black comedy, awesome Krist Novoselic cameo. The little shit from Spy Kids has a good role in this.

Zombieland - 7/10
Loads of fun. You can tell the actors had a good time putting it together. I appreciate a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously and experiments with itself like this one did.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - 4/10
This movie is a waste of time. There's absolutely no point to it - its lessons (and boy, are there a lot of them) are weak, the characters are uninspiring, and you don't feel any sort of connection to anything. Hugely overrated. It's basically Forrest Gump without anything delightful.

The Ghost Writer - 7/10
Plenty of flaws but riveting enough to hold you in, with some good twists and a hell of an ending. It was distracting though because it's a Roman Polanski film set in Martha's Vineyard, and the fact that I knew they weren't anywhere near Martha's Vineyard took me out of the movie. Unique phenomenon.

Kick-Ass - 8/10
Really liked this. The insertion of some epic music from Sunshine and 28 Days Later, two of my top 10 movies of all time, lifted some scenes toward over-the-top emotional triumph.

on tap - Big Fish, SLC Punk, The Illusionist (2010)

Wow

2011-01-08T17:02:00.000-08:00

Finished Boys of Summer

2011-01-05T03:20:00.000-08:00

I am overwhelmed with emotion after having completed "The Boys of Summer" this early morning, 3:11 a.m., the 5th of January, 2011. I, a life-long Dodgers fan, never knew how to qualify my emotions about my team until reading Mr. Kahn do just that with his.

This was a beautiful book about so much more than baseball - and that's just what being a fan is all about... there's something about one's love and devotion that extends further than just baseball.

I was in the womb in 1988 when Kirk Gibson and Orel Hershiser entered the canon of Podres, Robinson, and the Duke - I hope I will not have to wait 75 years to see my first World Series championship in L.A. But until then I have this gift, this wonderful book, to empathize with the fragility of baseball's seasonal crescendo.

So thank you, Mr. Kahn. The final chapter of the book may be the most amazing thing I've ever read. The book is certainly something that will affect me the rest of my life. It will always have a box seat in this aspiring writer's heart.

Gil Hodges story

2011-01-04T19:39:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd share a good story from The Boys of Summer. The author had been the reporter covering the Dodgers during the early 50s when the team was amazing - Roy Campanella, Jackie Robinson, Pee Wee Reese, Carl Furillo, Preacher Roe, Carl Erskine, Gil Hodges, etc. - but couldn't seem to manage a World Series victory over the Yanks. Years later he catches up with specific players and talks about who they became and the stories they remembered fondly.

On Hodges:

A sense of strength stays with a man. When Hodges managed the Washington Senators, he learned once that four players were violating a midnight curfew. Hodges believed in curfews and he convened his ball club and announced: "I know who you were. You're each fined one hundred dollars. But a lot of us are married and I don't want to embarrass anyone. There's a cigar box on my desk. At the end of the day, I'm going to look into that box and I want to see four hundred dollars in it. Then the matter will be closed." Hodges gazed. At the end of the day, he looked into the cigar box. He found $700.

2010 in books and movies

2011-01-01T19:11:00.001-08:00

Here's a list of every book I read the entire way through in 2010.

Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts
Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
The Robbers by Friedrich Schiller
Esperanza Rising by Pam Muñoz Ryan
Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Carmen by Prosper Mérimée
Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine
The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick
Ball Four by Jim Bouton
Dreaming in Cuban by Cristina Garcia
Moneyball by Michael Lewis
Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk
Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut (second time)
Squeeze Play by Jane Leavy
Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger
Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut
The Anti-Christ by Friedrich Nietzsche
Are We Not There Yet? by Chuck Rosenthal
Friedrich Nietzsche by Ivo Frenzel
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson

Here are the three books I'm currently working on:
Death in the Afternoon by Ernest Hemingway
Beyond Good And Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche
The Boys of Summer by Roger Kahn

That's 22 read, 3 more almost done, and a bunch of others I only managed to get part of the way through (such is the life of an English major).

My goal for 2011 is to finish with 30 books read all the way through. I hope to be done with Stephen Crane's The Red Badge of Courage and Stieg Larsson's The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by the time school starts up again in ten days.

I've also been keeping track of all the movies I've seen for the first time... I started the list about 5 or 6 months ago. My scale has 0 being awful, 5 being rather decent, and 10 being mind-blowing and amazing. For example, the three tens are three of my favorite films ever. The 5's like Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back are fun but overall not that great. Anything lower than 5 is bad.

Mallrats - 7/10
Clerks - 8/10
Chasing Amy - 9/10
Dogma - 7/10
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - 5/10
Oldboy - 8/10
The Losers - 6/10
Spirited Away - 8/10
Amélie - 9/10
Drunken Master - 6/10
Predators - 5/10
Office Space - 6/10
Strangers on a Train - 7/10
Farewell to Nostradamus - 6/10
The Castle of Cagliostro - 6/10
Inception - 10/10
Rising Sun - 5/10
(500) Days of Summer - 9/10
Let the Right One In - 7/10
Brick - 8/10
Princess Mononoke - 5/10
Death at a Funeral - 6/10
Swingers - 2/10
Bottle Rocket - 3/10
Cool Hand Luke - 8/10
The Two Escobars - 10/10
Legion - 2/10
Tangled - 8/10
The Social Network - 9/10
Exit Through the Gift Shop - 5/10
The Lookout - 7/10
Toy Story 3 - 8/10
Black Swan - 10/10

Thoughts on "The Boys of Summer"

2010-12-28T00:28:00.001-08:00

I'm entrenched in Roger Kahn's The Boys of Summer right now and something he said rang true with regards to my work this past semester on the state of American higher education.

"All the NYU Bronx campus lacked was a balanced curriculum, an intellectual climate and girls. IT was not a college, but an anticollege. It was not a place of learning but a theater of memorization. It was an institution where students regarded Lear's catastrophe as insignificant unless it was worth eight points on an exam." (47-48)

Sounds familiar...

"'What do you want to do?'"

I paused. Dr. Jones looked like someone to trust. 'Well, sir, I believe I'd like to be a writer.'

'A writer!' Dr. Jones spoke so loudly that I blushed. 'Then what on earth are you doing at a place like this?'" (48)

Kahn, Roger. The Boys of Summer. New York: Perennial Library, 1987. Print.
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Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T02:38:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Blah blah blah Dodgers blah blah blah no left fielder blah blah Ned sucks blah blah Eugenio Velez... really? blah blah blah.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

2010-12-23T22:48:00.000-08:00

Stieg Larsson's Millenium trilogy, the current flavor of the week among popular literature, is everywhere. While the three books have already been adapted into hit Swedish movies, Hollywood has already drafted David Fincher of The Social Network and Fight Club fame to direct red-blooded American adaptations.

As for the book, it was certainly a satisfying read. It's paced very methodically and Larsson reveals the story's dark secrets like an onion - layer by layer by layer. I was disappointed that thematically it wasn't deeper and that one of our main protagonists, Mikael Blomkvist, doesn't develop more of a character in the 400-ish pages we spend with him.

But although we're lacking in the meat department, Dragon Tatoo's skeleton is as sturdy as any other. You get those great moments where your neck tingles and you can't put the thing down. You can tell why the book is as famous as it is - it's got a riveting story that blows the Dan Browns and Michael Crichtons of the world out of the water. It's not a difficult read and the public loves accessibility.

I'll follow the trilogy and pick up the next book soon. It's a worthwhile read, but it's certainly not a breakthrough or anything like that.

I give it 6 Vonneguts out of 10.

Classic

2010-12-20T04:47:00.000-08:00

Teaching Philosophy

2010-12-16T20:31:00.000-08:00

This was an assignment I just turned in as part of my portfolio for my Theory of Teaching Writing and Reading course. I'm always pleased to have an opportunity to use the word Pedagogy. I wrote a 13-page paper on my strategies for fixing higher education. I'll spare you that, but I turned it in with an ailing fear that I may be a Fascist.

Robert Montenegro
English 565
Teaching Philosophy

I believe the freshman composition class, often the first academic experience to which new students are exposed, sets a tone for what the University will expect of them over the next four years. It is my duty as teacher to establish that tone and make sure students acquire the mental ammunition necessary to succeed as academics. That this hefty responsibility is frequently placed on the shoulders of inexperienced educators can be disconcerting, but I believe with the right mindset and approach this goal is well within reach.

The first thing I or any other English 110 teacher must do is descend from the academic Ivory Tower and lock myself out. My job is to welcome the students into the University community, not to hang over them in an air of superiority. My role is of guide, not god. I view teaching as a privilege where trust is bestowed on me to serve as facilitator for a budding group of scholars. Ego and hubris must be checked at the door if I am to succeed. In their place, enthusiasm and anticipation of learning must exist. As a Teaching Fellow, I am as much a student as anyone in the class, one of my goals being to learn as much from them as they from me. My attitude must always be positive and engaging. Fervor is contagious and students will react more ardently to a teacher they feel has their heart in the subject than one who comes across as either proud or glum.

Part of that enthusiasm needs to be channeled into accessibility. Writing, in its most basic form, is a tool of communication, its fundamental purpose being the transfer of ideas, stories, and information from one mind to another. It makes sense then for I as the writing teacher to be an adept communicator and to make myself available beyond the realm of class time and office hours. Students are encouraged to e-mail me regularly about any concern or question they have about my class, any other class, or anything at all related to college. Building trust and an amicable veteran-rookie relationship is important to me. Students are invited to join me out of class to partake in writing and reading groups, honing these skills for those who possess further interest.

It is imperative that this chummy atmosphere does not lead students to believe they can walk all over me and float through the class with ease. Assigned work will be heavily critiqued at mandatory one-on-one meetings. Good grades will only be handed out to work that is truly excellent. I find the professors I work the hardest for are the ones who want and expect the most out of me. A professor who approaches a student to discuss their writing commands more respect than one who simply passes back papers drenched in red ink. If I establish that I have an earnest interest in their success, the students will give their best effort to not let me down. The goal is to be a respected role model and not a pushover, demonstrating that the enthusiastic pursuit of success should be the status quo during a college career.

In my classroom, lecturing is discarded in favor of a more communicative, group-oriented class format. Desks are arranged in a circle to establish a sense of community conversation as opposed to a classroom simply focused on me. We use class discussion and the intellectual exploration of various topics to determine our own definition of good writing. Through this form of almost Socratic dialogue, students will ideally abandon the notion that there is always a correct answer they must reach in order to make the grade. Too often are students’ learning strategies impeded by an assumption that success comes from “working the system” or figuring out what the professor wants and then feeding it to him. This is an unfortunate trend that must be snuffed early in order to preserve the importance of academic self-exploration and the merit of thinking for oneself. For my students, the right answer is the one that they are able to defend and present the strongest. The content of their writing won’t be as important to me as their ability to effectively communicate. Remember - communication is the basic point here.

My main goal as an English 110 teacher is to establish a precedent for how students should conduct themselves throughout college. Although my demeanor and approach will be as welcoming and motivating as possible, there is a sense of gatekeeping inherent in the course’s difficulty. There will be those who do not reciprocate the same passion I promote during class or those who struggle with their ability to write. I will take a tough love approach to these students, offering them ample amounts of my own time and energy to try and help them as much as possible, but if they exhibit apathy or cannot manage to produce college level work by the end of the course, I will not grant them a pity pass. Intellectual apathy is an epidemic in our society and I hope to serve as part of the coalition that will bring us back down to Earth. We must raise the standards by which we define academic excellence and expunge the collegiate lethargy that has grown in the wake of setting the bar of success so low that students without an avid interest in learning are able to waltz away with a University degree.

The best strategy to accomplish this, and a place where I believe many fail, is to establish oneself as the amiable facilitator I have described. Just because I’ve evacuated the academic Ivory Tower does not mean I also evacuate intellectualism. I just make the conscious decision not be a jerk about it. To continue to be supercilious will only distance us further from a society that has outgrown stuck-up tweed coat intellectuals and requires a new breed of academic leaders who can maintain an affable educational environment while still challenging students to do their best. We must not be afraid of turning away those who do not exhibit the qualities of excellent collegiate thinkers, for to allow the undeserving to advance only debases the value of a college diploma and hurts society by trusting the keys to the Thunderbird in the hands of people who simply cannot drive. My teaching philosophy is to get the best out of my students by intensely challenging them in an atmosphere that is both comfortable and mentally stimulating, adequately preparing them for a successful and rewarding academic career.

Difference between contender and pretender

2010-12-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

While Ned Colletti is parading his 6-man rotation of Kershaw, Billingsley, Lilly, Kuroda, Garland, and Padilla as if it's the hottest thing on the block, the Phillies now have Halladay, Lee, Hamels, and Oswalt.

Yup.

Not sure I had put these up yet or not...

2010-11-30T12:38:00.001-08:00

"Portraits"

"Vespa"
Vespa was a natural born thief. She pulled off her first successful heist in 1994 as a 7 year old in the great raid of Mother's jewelry box, a masterful success if she did say so herself. She felt no remorse, held no guilt for her wandering morality. It was the thrill of swiping the banana from the fruit car that built her high as a Tibetan peak. When other preteens dreamed of dancing with a movie star or being a plastic pop darling, Vespa had her eyes on the big time con life.
Some kids know from the beginning their destiny will be laced with greatness - find the cure for cancer or win a Nobel Prize or something like that. Vespa was no different, though her definition of greatness likely clashes with those of our most moral and guiding fathers. Our priests who squeak in the confessionals. Our politicians wedged deep in pants pockets.
Vespa had an affair with crime, or rather, she has this affair. It never leaves in the morning. To elevate it to "relationship" would imply love. I'm not sure love is anywhere there. It's just sex. Just stimulation. Vespa's justice is dying to get into crime's pants and it is always wary to try and screw her. But in the morning they are together, intact, and Vespa ponders how to steal a John Deere hat atop a plaster mannequin, one of the Northridge mall's most eligible bachelors. She would steal a raccoon stuffed, in a shelter, or roadkill outside the Szechwan Palace.
It should come as no surprise that Vespa is unfaithful.

"Tito"
For about seventeen years, Tito had a seat at the end of the bar close to the jukebox. He arrived each day, coming from God knows where, before it got dark. The vampires arrived after dark. He wore a Dick Dastardly handlebar mustache, painting him as the tie-your-niece-to-the-train-tracks character of the bar, but perhaps more in a tongue in cheek, vaudeville, kiss from the past kind of way. The image was not ironic. Just of itself, it was it.
The opening riot takes stage as the sun disappears, the masks coming out one by one, a dystopian orchestra of gnarls and skids storming in from the wet confusion of our imperfect atmosphere. The office lunatics have changed their ties out for disguises, a masquerade of styles and fashions flooding in, the palm reader and the astrologer share a moment over Jack Daniels. Tito observes, a spy to their conversation, a stranger to their banal forms of contemplation, merit, and value, philosophical in the least, dependent on an opinion on a controversial Chinese diet. He taps his foot to Tom Petty, a staple of his jukebox repertoire. An L.A. legend. Nickels clang like cymbals in his shirt pocket, meeting to the beat of life's performance.
Tito drowns a Pabst Blue Ribbon, a favorite of Frank Booth and a squadron of Echo Park hipsters. Fife the barkeep follows the script and grants him another as a stray torpedo reaches the jukebox outside Tito's vision. The coin intake swallows Thomas Jeffersons like bullets retreating back into the gun barrel. A hack melody rings true in ten minutes time and the vampires dance and Tito drinks and the curtain tumbles down.
Tito is dying. He's been dying every single day of his life.

"Claudia"
Randy Newman sings a song about how two different kinds of people can live on the same street in L.A. yet be polar opposites in every imaginable way. Wealthy Malibu movie stars share Sunset Blvd. with bums in the gutters outside Echo Park. This is, of course, before it becomes Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. and shuts its eyes and bites its lips and wanders into East L.A. Fancy Victorian mansions in the west give way to cardboard villas in the east. Dumb dolls in fabulous penthouses to drunken neighbors kicking a Vietnamese liquor store owner in the back of his skull. I think they sing this song after each victory at Dodgers games.
She was a librarian, this Claudia Fuerte. She could tame the most vicious delinquent, silence the thoughtless joker, spring the chronic underachiever toward a higher spectrum of being. She once got a White Fence gang member to read "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." He liked it.
That windy Thursday evening there were no heroes on the 3600 block of E. Olympic Blvd who could save her, lying like a bum in a gutter, thrice shot, twice rolled, her golden hair stained with a mixture of fresh asphalt residue and fresher blood. The crimson flows out and never stops, four men's worth of blood from this tiny little woman. Her killer never knew her. She never knew him. He had the choice between the scythe and the machete. A garden or a gun.
She was walking home from the market, fresh tortillas and fresher salsa mixing with her blood. A mixture of elements, a marriage of being. She remained, Claudia Fuerte did, in that gutter for an hour, as a 7 year old boy 17.5 miles west blew out his candles before saying goodnight.

------

"to Anywhere"
The small Mexican woman had come to pick a ticket, passage on a train to anywhere, wrapped in her shawl so that her shining green eyes pierced through like the light of a supernova. So bright. So lifeless. There was no future for these twin supernovas. Dust invaded and she shut her eyes with a cringe.
She remembered the events of the past week, She had narrowly avoided the horrific fates of her sisters. Esmeralda was kicked by a donkey and lay in bed, her mind incapable of clarity, her thoughts awash with the sterility of light gray and off-whites. Her sister Gloria was the victim of assault, the assailant - a complete mental collapse - robbing her blind of any sense of reason or feeling. The sight of her dearest elder sister as a vegetable with nary a cultivator. It was too much. It had been too much for far longer before then. Clara, the youngest, managed to choke on a grape, perhaps focusing all her attention on her unfortunate sisters and none whatsoever on her own unsteady matriculation. Her funeral was Friday.
Now it was Monday, and a slender sugarcane body leaned on a column for support. With Clara gone, Gloria without her mind, and Esmeralda simply a shell of her former self, the small woman was completely overwhelmed. She had nothing left at home. She had no home. The night before she had dreamed of a white hunger, lean but rigid, meeting her on a train and promising her a red bicycle on a southern California ranch with oranges and grapefruit and six chickens. She awoke in a sweat, her hair still a mess, her dress stained with the pea soup from the previous night's dinner, a meal she couldn't force into Gloria's mouth. The ghost of Clara was in the house, she knew, perhaps hiding behind a column of concrete. She packed her bags and began walking. Clara would want her to escape.
Poor Marielle needed liberation. The harbinger of freedom arrived at 2:43 p.m. that day in the form of an orange steam locomotive. It faced west.

"Balcony"
My balcony looks out upon the plaza. The flash of sunbeams beckons me and I step out. Just for a moment, I tell myself. Just for a moment.
Twilight is nigh and soon the boys playing ball on the grass below will have to retreat home, defeated by nature's dark streak, a cruelty atoned only by the smooth softness of morning - a softness too many of us miss out on, I think.
A behemoth of a youth, a simply massive kid who would give Babe Ruth a run for his money in a hot dog eating contest, lets out a mighty swing and sends a small comet toward my building. I can count the rotations of the little white sphere as it grows toward me, growing and growing like a beanstalk aiming for the clouds, pushed by magical forces underneath. A small boy takes chase.
The ball begins to lose steam, slowing and slowing in its advance as its apex comes nigh above my eye-line. It falls. And falls. And falls still. I hear the clicking of the boy's cleats below followed by a massive thud - his shoulder stopped in its motion by the building's brick façade. I hear as he cripples down into a pile, whimpering, but trying to keep from tearing up. I cannot see his face but I can hear his crumble. He is fighting the urge to run the water works. The infielders call him a faker. They tell him to get up and throw in the ball. The massive kid is also massively slow and only now rounds second base. The young outfielder struggles, my ears sensing the red-mud image burnt into his retinas - the last thing to pop into his peripheral vision before the collision.
I choose not to see how the play ends. I turn and re-enter my apartment. I reach for a bottle of alcoholic cider for an alcoholic and collapse on my futon, legs upon my coffee table. I don't drink coffee. The remote control calls my name and I turn on the Food Network. Then the Travel Channel Then ESPN. A magazine begs me to come home to Scotland. I've never been to Scotland. I'm too young to go to Scotland. Scotland is my drink coaster.
I stand gingerly, the creaks in this old body popping in the sterile air. I walk to the kitchen to prepare a TV Dinner.

Happy Birthday Vin!

2010-11-29T12:05:00.000-08:00

83 years young.

Streetwrite- I dreamed poem

2010-11-24T13:06:00.000-08:00

I dreamed of lava red bulldozers in a crowded room

I dreamed of a red sensation in tune with your mind

I dreamed of time moving through a swampy soup

I dreamed of my own red desires and deemed them to be true

I dreamed of red crimson and red maroon

I dreamed of pastel reds on Easter egg heads

I dreamed a crimson met a maroon and shook hands and said my dear sir, how do you do

I dreamed crimson killed maroon, and said, "Not so good now, do you?"

I dreamed of red past midnight and into the day

I dreamed of King Crimson and the red that got away

11/21

2010-11-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

I started keeping a fiction journal.

For close to 17 years Tito had a seat at the end of the bar close to the jukebox. He arrived each day before it got dark and the vampires came in. He wore a Dick Dastardly handlebar mustache, painting him as the tie-your-niece-to-the-train-tracks character of the bar, but perhaps more in a tongue in cheek vaudeville kiss from the past kind of way. The image was not ironic, just of itself, it was it.

The opening riot takes stage as the sun disappears, the masks coming out one by one, a dystopian orchestra of gnarls and skids storming in from the wet confusion of our imperfect atmosphere. The office lunatics have changed their ties out for disguises, a masquerade of styles and fashions flooding in, the palm reader and the astrologer share a moment over Jack Daniels. Tito observes, a spy to their conversation, a stranger to their banal forms of contemplation, merit, and value, philosophical in the least, dependent on an opinion on a controversial Chinese diet. He taps his foot to Tom Petty, a staple of his jukebox repertoire. Nickels clang like cymbals in his shirt pocket, meeting to the beat of life's performance.

Tito drowns a Pabst Blue Ribbon, a favorite of Frank Booth and a squadron of Echo Park hipsters. Fife follows the script and grants him another as a stray torpedo reaches the jukebox outside Tito's vision. The coin intake swallows Thomas Jeffersons like bullets retreating back into the gun barrel. A hack melody rings true in ten minutes time and the vampires dance and Tito drinks and the curtain tumbles down.

Mehr

2010-11-19T02:24:00.001-08:00

magical conception
admirable lady
political minimum
hypersensitive
farseeing throng
abuzz
parallel hiatus
without photographs
bating pretense
into anesthetic

All those zealots who promised you some sort of magical conception of afterlife were lying through their teeth.

Death isn't that bad. It's not too different from falling into anesthetic sleep. You end up not all that sure where life ceased and death began. It's inaccurate to say death begins though, because death, or at least the act of being dead, doesn't really begin or end or have any sort of middle. That's how I see it anyway and I should know, since I see everything.

When you die the happenings of the world go on permanent parallel hiatus, societies that had been lively and abuzz stand silent and frozen like photographs without photographs, an entire civilization stuck in a moment waiting for a flash.

You can wait. Wait for it all to start up again. Wait with bating pretense. It's not moving.

The farseeing throng of Earth's intellectuals couldn't foresee this. I imagined heaven or hell or reincarnation or a basement card game with my great-grandfathers. I got loneliness. I got the privilege to be privy to the personal split-seconds of six billion people. A sleeping policeman parked outside a convenience store. The brilliant geophysicist in his study reading Archie comics. An admirable lady hitting the bong.

When you die your senses disappear. You don't need them anymore. What you're left with is the ability to move throughout the world, perceiving things as a movie camera would, able to travel up and down and all around the Earth. I tried to go to space once but I guess there is an end of the universe and it's only miles above us. The Mariana Trench is far too dark to navigate.

Your body remains in hiatus. The first thing you see when you're dead is you. Dead. The final breath dancing above your head, ready to disperse into a vibrant world. That breath has been dancing above my former head for quite some time now in Room 345 of Glendon-Krantz Memorial Hospoital. It's never going to disperse.

I was never hypersensitive to the actions of others, but I have to admit that it kind of smarts that my brother was partying in Vegas when I died. And that my sister was on the beach in Santa Monica applying an extra layer of suntan lotion to her already burnt skin. My ex-wife was too busy fucking her boyfriend to ring me and see how I was doing.

I had hoped maybe I'd see Mom and Pop when I got here. Instead I'm just stuck with all the people I had already been sharing space with for 34 years. What's another eternity between friends?

It was interesting for a while to explore snapshots of the lives of top Hollywood celebrities or sports superstars or senators who all appear to be doing the political minimum up in Washington D.C. That feels like eons ago. It might just be, though who knows how long an eon is. I'd check but the books are all frozen in time. I can't measure my time here in days because days depend on the rotation of the Earth and this ball hasn't spun in ages.

It's been forever.

11/17

2010-11-17T23:46:00.000-08:00

capacity for self-reliance
mannish woman
light-heartedness
dangerous skies
puzzle-solver
became a spot
kink and curl
conjures
but gently,
city intensely

The god of hate conjures dangerous skies above anything he sees as good, as joyous, as beautiful or satisfying in any way whatsoever. These are to be detested, for the god of hate knows only rejection, only discrimination, only the painful power of turning away. Only time, miserable truths.

The land under these dangerous skies became a spot on the map of relevance for the first time, for this was White Bird, Idaho, population of 106, a town that referred to itself as a city, and a city intensely focused on the pursuit of anonymity. It needed not be a speck, let alone a spot of any sort on any sort of map.

The mayor of White Bird, Idaho was Karla Gross, a mannish woman of forty-six, mother of five of White Bird's 106, broad-shouldered and intrinsically blessed with the capacity for self-reliance, as well as the ability to entertain the hopes of reliance of 120 other White Birdians. A light-hearted woman by nature, she became a titan in the face of danger, a general in the face of atack, a puzzle-solver in the presence of quandary. The only thing not mannish about Karla Gross, aside from her breasts, was the kink and curl of her tumbling blonde hair, cascading down from her head as a painter would construct a family of shooting stars fighting off gravity.

Karla Gross sat on her porch every evening between the hours of 4:30 and 6 p.m. and watched her children float on tire swings and construct palaces from tree branches. She smoked a pipe, as any self-respecting mannish woman from White Bird, Idaho, population of 106, would. But gently, carefully, softly did she smoke that pipe. Meticulous in the creation of her smoke, shapely and pregnant clouds of grey rising to meet was was quickly becoming a dangerous sky.

Where the greys of the dangerous sky met the face of the barren land, a specter upon a horse bolted into view, peeling away with no stop in sight, as if stop were a figment of life's imagination.

Karla Gross squinted to the horizon as the god of hate laughed to himself.

Reflecting on "Are We Not There Yet"

2010-11-16T23:49:00.000-08:00

I'm currently enrolled in what the LMU English Department calls StreetWrite, which sounds like some sort of far-out urban scribe class but really just happens to be a student teaching program. Interestingly enough, next semester I'll take RoadWrite, which just so happens to be some sort of far-out urban scribe class.

The fellow who teaches the StreetWrite class is Chuck Rosenthal, a rather respected author who has written several books and has his own Wikipedia entry, though he has to compete with some district attorney from Texas on the disambiguation page. He's a cool guy, which is more than just an offhand compliment from this California kid.

My first impression of Chuck came during the first class meeting in August when his 6'1'' frame lurched into class, his silver hair a medium length on the cusp of where you could describe him as "long-haired." He wears a broad goatee that covers his weathered face, a weathering that reveals much more experience than age. I think he resembles a drunken, haggard pirate, but in a good way. I think he's 50-something.

Our class meetings only lasted a month, the time spent working on poetry exercises we would eventually take out into the community and teach ourselves. Since then another student and I have been trekking to Port of Los Angeles High School in San Pedro Tuesday mornings and teaching poetry. I emulate Chuck's approach as well as I can, encouraging creativity over substance, fun over desire, silly phrases over brooding truths. One of the poems calls for the writer to experiment with metaphors. Chuck loves the ones that don't make sense. His favorite of mine was "I am a daft lunchbox." I think it's much more interesting than "I am a silent wind" or something like that. The best we came up with as a class was "obdurate lemon."

Chuck (it feels weird calling him that but I feel he's much too amiable to want to be called Dr. Rosenthal) recently had a book published about his travels with an LMU study abroad program (he was in charge but not in control, as he says) for four months in the Himalayas. I came across it in the library (one of the benefits of working behind the desk is you become very familiar with authors and titles) and decided to give it a read. I have to admit part of it was "this guy's my professor and it might impress him if I read his book." Another big part is my interest in travel memoirs, one of which is sitting in raw form on my nightstand back in Castaic.

Ever since reading Gregory David Roberts' Shantaram, India has fascinated me. Traveling India is to find yourself, to be on an adventure, to explore the great unknown. It's romantic and courageous and eye-opening. My buddy Trevor and I dream of taking in an afternoon cocktail at Leopold's in Mumbai, inhaling the essence of the other. I want to experience as many "others" as I can in my time on this Earth. India is near the top of that list.

I just finished the book and what I liked most about it was the perspective Chuck took in telling his story. He's skim on the exposition - we know he's there with the study abroad program and he gives a basic layout of where he's traveled, but most of the nitty gritty about his characters and the nature of his stay are unimportant in the long run. What is important is the experience itself, the knowledge and understanding that goes along with being, whether it be being in West Bengal.

I recommend the book - there are plenty of little quirks and insights similar to the Roberts book, although tweaked in a very real and human essence. It makes me want to really pursue publishing my journal from Europe, though there are probably some chapters I'll want to leave out.

Im Jahr 2020

2010-11-14T17:34:00.000-08:00

Im Jahr 2020 werde ich 31 Jahren alt sein.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich wohl verheiratet.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich perfektes Deutsch sprechen.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich einen Magister Artium haben.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich wohl nicht in Los Angeles Leben.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich vielleicht einem Sohn oder eine Tochter haben.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich ein guter Koch sein.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich in einer netten Wohnung leben.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich einen guten Job haben.
Im Jahr 2020 werde ich noch die Dodgers lieben (auch wenn sie immer noch nicht die World Series in meinem Leben gewonnen haben).

Nietzche was one angry mother______

2010-11-14T16:23:00.001-08:00

According to Nietzsche, Christians are vermin whose religion brought about the fall of the Roman Empire, inhibits man's abilities to pursue true value and good, and serves vampire priests who suck on society like leeches. Martin Luther killed the Renaissance, sin was invented to control the masses, and Muslims have every right to hate Christians because Christianity was responsible from keeping the wonderful Islamic culture form blooming and showering the world with intellectual gifts.

My opinions on the arguments of The Anti-Christ vary, but I'd be a liar if I saw Nietzsche didn't make it entertaining. To borrow a phrase from Duke Nukem, he basically rips off the heads and shits down the necks of those he despises.

I think it was the publisher who ultimately decided on the title of the book. He probably felt the original title was too harsh: The Comedy Central Roast of Christianity.

I'm thinking of making my final paper for Rhetoric of Religion be about the shock and awe type of rhetoric you see from characters like our boy Friedrich and modern nuts like Glenn Beck.

Melt Into Me

2010-10-23T15:42:00.001-07:00

Melt Into Me is a song I wrote 3 or 4 years ago that I could never figure out lyrics to. They came to me in the shower today.

Like drips from a faucet
my soul you can't stop it.
Metal and iron just can't hold me in.

Your hand in my palm
I will take you along
and we'll ride on sunshine until we begin.

I've traveled all lands
over sea and through sands
the world is an easel and I am Van Gogh

I'll fill you with color
if you'll be my lover
and they'll hang us in the Louvre next to each other.

I melt into you
and you'll melt into me too.
I melt into you
and you melt into me too.

I'll find a way to upload it so you can hear it.

I have a bunch of other stuff to post but I haven't had the time.

EDIT - you can hear it here.

Good Article on Introverts

2010-10-15T00:43:00.000-07:00

No writing exercise for 10/14. It was my brother's 18th birthday.

Here's a great article though:
http://www.straightdopedad.com/introverts-are-not-retarded-or-anti-social/

Writing Exercise - 10/13

2010-10-13T16:13:00.001-07:00

Tim Wallach is getting around a lot - interviews with seemingly half the teams with managing vacancies. Fingers crossed that he and Logan White won't leave.

Playing ball on the grass
faker
cider
the flash
red-mud
clicking
cripples
underneath
shoulder
twilight

My balcony looks out upon the plaza. The flash of sunbeams beckons me and I step out. Twilight is night and soon the boys playing ball on the grass below will have to go home, defeated by nature's dark streak. A massive youth sends a fly ball toward my building. I can count the rotations of the little white sphere as it grows toward me like an extension of Jack's beanstalk, pushed by forces underneath. A small boy runs after it. The orb begins to fall, losing gas at its apex above me. I wave to it as it dives beneath. I hear the clicking of the boy's cleats below me followed by a massive thud - his shoulder stopped in its motion by the building's brick facade. I hear as he cripples down into a pile, whimpering but trying to keep from tearing up. He is below me and I cannot see his face but I know he is fighting the urge to run the water works. The infielders call him a faker and tell him to get up and throw the ball in. The massive kid is also massively slow, and only now rounds second base. The young outfielder struggles, his eyes probably have the image of red-mud bricks burnt into his retina - the last thing to pop into his peripheral vision before the collision.

I choose not to see how the play ends. I turn and re-enter my flat. I reach for a bottle of alcoholic cider and collapse on my futon, legs resting upon the coffee table, the remote calling my name to turn on the Food Network, Travel Channel, or ESPN. A magazine begging me to come to Scotland hides beneath my bottle.

I stand and walk to the kitchen to prepare a TV dinner.

Fulbright

2010-10-13T00:08:00.000-07:00

Just finishing my application for a Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship in Norway.

Destressing tomorrow.

Writing Exercise - 10/12

2010-10-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

Amazement
Muscle-Flexing
Twitch
Stuffed in the Garbage
Against the Waves
Shadows
Bulletin Board
Squawking Birds
Bruised
Mindless Organism

I look out upon at the ground 45,000 feet alone with amazement.

Here goes nothing.

A slight twitch in my leg and I'm suddenly free-falling toward Earth, accelerating at 9.8 meters per second, screaming my voice into extinction. The gravity force pushes my body, I feel like I've been stuffed int the garbage compactor of heaven. At the same time I'm free to fly like so many squawking birds. In a second I'm liberated from all obligations, all limitations of the structured real world. I'm a mindless organism swimming in the the primordial jelly of all time. I am the hurricane winds performing the tango against the waves of the mighty seas. My heart is bruised. The waves cannot, or will not, match my dance. Suddenly the primordial jelly has become a weight-lifting competition in the upper realm of Latvia. Muscle-flexing Baltic flesh statues stand high above me like the forgotten Colossus of Rhodes and his distant cousins from the far north. I open my left eye and clouds float by. My right is in the shadows behind a 1980's Vietnamese take-out restaurant in Biloxi. The bulletin board inside offers the community a chance to learn about Indo-Chinese culture. The restaurant is empty.

My chute won't release.

I must admit

2010-10-11T23:00:00.001-07:00

I must admit I've been a hypocrite.

Before the semester I harped on and on about the laziness and conniving nature of college students who dodge work to play the system.

I feel like I must have cursed myself.

Here I am and I must have read about half of what I was assigned. It's another case of me biting off more than I can chew. With the Fulbright (Norway 2011 vennligst), DAAD (Münster 2011 bitte), ADG (I'm secretary and VP Finance), along with the basic work of everyday life, I find myself overwhelmed. And I'm ashamed.

I get such fulfillment when I actually do my assigned work and learn. But I am so distracted. I am addicted to the internet; my time on Sporcle outweighs my time with Sören Kierkegaard.

I let my distractions overcome me. I manage my time poorly. I'll end up with a high GPA but will get my report card having learned far less than I could have.

And that's a bummer.

--

Meanwhile, the Giants beat the Braves. As Molly Knight says, we Dodger fans went 3 for 3 in the Wheel of Misfortune. The Yanks, Phils, and Giants all advanced to their respective league championship series. And here I am, forced to root for Philadelphia.

Goddammit.

Worst Case Scenario

2010-10-11T16:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I'll do if the Giants win the World Series.

Writing Exercise - 10/11

2010-10-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

First, check out MSTI's Offseason Dodgers plan. Interesting read - can't say it's realistic or that I agree with everything, but interesting it most definitely is...

Independently
Statements
Contrary
Flag
For The Record
Auctioning it off
Coordination
Toronto
Two Halves
Siblings

"For the record, he hit me first."

"There is no record here, Dale. This is not a court of law. My justice system works independently. You do not have the right to remain silent, nor does anything 'for the record' matter to me. What matters is that you and Clark here created a scene. This was not just a squabble between two siblings. This is a true incident, and I'm not your parents so we're not dealing with it that way either. On the contrary, we're going to do this by the book, bringing the two halves together to assess the situation. I've heard your statements over and over again. It's time to lay down the punishments. By my honor under this great flag, in this great country, justice will be served. You are not free to just do what you like. You cannot just hit each other in my school. If you want to be a rule-breaking anarchist you can move up to Toronto. But as long as we're here at Buffalo Public High School #118 and I have the job of assistant principal, I will administer the coordination and execution of justice. I'm taking your silliness and auctioning it off. We mean business here, gentlemen. Time to act like it. You'll both get week's detention during lunch, spent in my office. And your parents will be asked to handle this mess too. This extends home. Now what do you have to say to that?"

"Yeah, but for the record, he hit me first."

Writing Exercise - 10/10

2010-10-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

I'll try to these one a day for as long as I can.

Depot
55 Minutes
Demonstrate
Fuchsia
Cold Comfort
Courage and Tenacity
Custody
Lump
Diploma
Disguise

We've been backed up near this rail depot or three days. The situation has allowed us to demonstrate levels of courage and tenacity even we didn't know we were capable of. The way things are going, neither will the world.

The Ukrainian winter is miserable. There is no love in this frozen wasteland. Perhaps the only cold comfort allotted by this terrible region is the fuchsia and gold of the dawn, beautiful colors that rain down from the heavens on this otherwise miserable place. This lasts for 5 minutes. The other 55 minutes of the 5am hour consists of me praying I don't end up with a mortar shell as a hat.

Our white fatigues are hardly a disguise worth having. Those bastards out there just shell the hell out of this whole place. They figure we're a small lump out there in the white blanket - they'll flatten us yet.

Clark is whimpering in his sleep. A nightmare has taken custody of his mind. It's a shame his drams have to reflect our real life. He is reliving his high school graduation, a high school graduation he never attended, receiving a diploma he doesn't have. He whispers his mother's name. Tears in his slumber freeze on his cheek. The long winter is only longer until we're dead. The other option is rescue. We are dead.

Writing Exercise - 10/9

2010-10-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

Shawl
Pick a ticket
Cultivator
Clarity
Pillar
A white hunter
Donkey
Mental collapse
Pea Soup
Choke

The small Mexican woman had come to pick a ticket for passage on a train to anywhere, wrapped in her shawl so that her shining green eyes pierced through, like the light of a supernova, so bright yet so lifeless. Those eyes had no future.

She remembered the events of the past week, the horrific fates of her sisters she had narrowly avoided. Esmeralda was kicked by a donkey on Monday and lay in a bed, her mind incapable of clarity of thought. Her sister Gloria was assaulted by a complete mental collapse, the sight of her dearest elder sister as a vegetable with nary a cultivator was just too much. Clara, the youngest sister, managed to choke on a grape, perhaps her mind set on her two unfortunate sisters and not her own mastication. With Clara gone, Gloria without her mind, and Esmeralda simply a shell of herself, the young woman was overwhelmed.

She had a dream where a white hunter, lean but rigid, met her on a train and promised to take her with him to the Amazon to hunt jaguars. She woke up in a sweat, her hair still a mess, her dress stained with the pea soup from the previous night's dinner that she couldn't force into Gloria's mouth. The ghost of Clara was in the house, she knew it, perhaps hiding behind a pillar or shelf. Clara would want her to get out.

Poor Marielle needed liberation.

Writing Exercise - 10/8

2010-10-08T18:08:00.001-07:00

As I can no longer watch the Reds choke away game 2 in Philadelphia, I felt I'd share a writing exercise I learned my freshman year from the Teaching Fellow I had for English 110.

Typically this is done in a small group, though it works alone as well. First you find a random text, anything from a Tolstoy masterpiece to whatever magazine is currently serving as this month's bathroom meeting. I chose Sören Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling, the 2008 version from Wilder Publications and A & D Publishings. I opened in to a random page (64-65) and started picking out words I liked.

When you do this with a group you can all peruse your texts and pick three words (or phrases) each. Since I'm alone I just went ahead and chose ten. Once the group has their words everyone pools them together...

Bridal
Envious
Blissful
Foretold
Pleasure
Catastrophe
Enemies
Ancients
Solitary
Insulted

Those are my ten.

Now I set my phone timer to ten minutes and write as much as I can (by hand - no typing) until time is up. The topic is open. The only rules being the necessary inclusion of the ten (or however many the group has) words or phrases. It's a great exercise because it forces you to think on your feet and write off the top of your head, spontaneously. Your writing won't be your best and errors are okay. It's interesting to see where the creative mind will run with ten words and how others will fly off in different directions with their pieces.

As soon as ten minutes have passed, each member of the group shares. Here's what I wrote, no revisions:

The venue for such a clash of enemies was perfect. A battleground strewn with the littered souls of pink ribbons and those balloons that didn't quite make it. If this conflict had been foretold by the ancients on the side of a Grecian Urn or in a massive epic poem, we would have laughed. No one could be that cruel - so inhumane. There isn't a single solitary soul on this planet who could be as vile and abhorrent, capable of creating catastrophe and destroying lives, like those our ancestors predicted, those they warned us about.

There is no laughing now. Just repressed hatred.

The Jeanene Karen Vilchus bridal shower is the setting of our story - an awful story with pure rancor and a detestable soul beneath such as blissful outer skin. The bridesmaids are envious. The future Mrs. Richard Kenyon Clark has on her hands quite the catch, a young entrepreneur, handsome, about to become very wealthy, and the apple of Tanya Diana Klebold's and Victoria Ellen Rosenbloom's and Carrisa Tina Guayamar's eyes, not to mention the bane of Cyndie Josephine Cya's and Chelsea Hannah Broom's existences. The bridesmaids from Hell. All insulted by Jeanene's audacity in marrying Richard, all fueled by want, all bitter, all taking pleasure in their loathing passive-aggressiveness against their ugly, no-good, fat-assed, cellulite-infected, chicken-footed, cankled, fake haired BFF Jeanene. Ugh....

Like I said - lots of fun, not my best writing, but it's practice. The most important thing for a writer to do is simply write.

Excerpt from my short story in progress

2010-09-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

He is devilishly handsome.

"Let us not be so remiss as to disregard the wisdom of the great Roman poet Horace," sermonizes the beautiful man, cheekbones carved by Michelangelo himself. "’For the sins of the fathers you, though guiltless, must suffer.’”

The stone cellar walls play stage to shadow gyrations, the soft staccatos of the torches conducting a ballet of illuminated shapes. His arms dance with bold sensation, every syllable pushing feeling. And the blackest darkness of the room, the limb long slender specters, performs a wicked tango upon the stone. Haunting. Sinful. Intoxicating. This fellow is charisma incarnate. And while the conductor of this hypnotizing production may be the flame, one has to ask who, or what, it may be that conducts the fire.

His listeners, a congregation of stiff black-cloaked figures, watch each and every move of those godly cheekbones as they, in a mutual endeavor, serve as the gatekeepers of his rhetoric, opening and closing his majestic jaw and unleashing the message, its meaning less important than the manner of its reveal. He could ask the men to climb to the highest tower of Heidelberger Schloss and emulate the ravens. They would oblige. Anything Herr Schwarzenherz requests, Herr Schwarzenherz sees done. This is what makes my employer fearful.

Horace could not be more correct if he were a book of balanced equations. Our German state is in crisis following the Great War, a war built upon the idiocies of our parents and all the other patriarchs of Europe. And with defeat, we who are left must suffer. The Weimar Republic is weak, the Communists are leading massacres in die Ruhrgebiet to the north, and there are dangerous men like Schwarzenherz, who always seem to come out of the woodwork when weak and defeated men need a crazed maniac to follow.
I am personally relieved the war is all done. Even in crisis there is still always hope for a safe tomorrow. The suffering now is nowhere near the suffering of a few years past, when black smoke and bombs blanketed the entirety of eye’s vision. Charred grass. Forever gray sky. At the very least, there is color now. And perhaps the war was inevitable and we were destined to lose. At least it is done. I have seen a lot of regrettable things. I have done a lot more. At least it is done.

I am not paid to think. It is a dreadful habit of mine.

Copyright 2010 - Robert M. Montenegro

Ich bin so müde

2010-09-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

The semester is in full gear and I've got 15 units, two jobs, and a dozen textbooks that I should be paid overtime for reading.

Safe to say I'm tired.

Why I dig Chris Christie

2010-09-14T00:49:00.000-07:00

Since I guess all I've posted recently are communist manifestos and diatribes detailing my vast anti-American hate (Praise Allah!), let me take some time to highlight Chris Christie, a guy who I hope to God doesn't turn to the dark side and affiliate himself with nutjobs like Palin or the Tea Party wing of the Republican party.

Watch as he destroys this know-it-all teacher, first by chiding her for her childish behavior and then defending himself against her attacks point by point. There's some fuzzy math (what's $100 million between friends?), but I like his bluntness. Whether its just the way he is or simply a show to set him apart - it works.

Good for you, Chris Christie. The phattest governor in the land.

I am 9/11!

2010-09-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

Two can play it at this game, Greg.

The Curse of the Piazza would like to welcome loyal contributor Glenn Beck to the site.

Greetings Fellow God-Fearing Patriots!

It has come to my attention that there are those who have the audacity to call themselves AMERICANS who dare to challenge the sanctity of America's most terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! I don't know what kind of glue these terrorist lovers have been sniffing, and who they think they are trying to make 9/11 an issue to be responded to as opposed to what it rightfully is - NOTHING BUT A TRAGEDY. GOD CRIED FOR AMERICA THAT DAY.

Who in their right (or in this case, left - like Trotsky-left) mind would dare suggest that 9/11 should be anything but a day to talk about how awesome America is and mope around about how the Muslims hate us so much?!?

I don't know about you, but I don't want anyone trying to turn such an emotional and sacred topic as 9/11 into a medium for "progressive" blabber. Oh, I hate hate hate that world so much. You know who else were progressive? The Nazis. They called the Holocaust progress. And Jews died on 9/11 too! 9/11 was just like the Holocaust! Don't you see?!?

Only someone like Hitler would try and pick you up off your 9-year crying shoulder and force you to think outside of your comfort zone. Not in my country. I don't want anyone forcing me to do anything. Not in my country.

Do you think Abraham Lincoln, a glorious American hero and republican treasure, would be so inconsiderate at a time like this?!? It's not like his Gettysburg Address urged Americans to look forward past the horrors four months past and keep our eyes on more broad, universal goals. No way would he be such a wuss. The way I remembered it, he called out Jefferson Davis and damned the Confederacy to the depths of fiery hell. Good for him. God loved Abraham Lincoln.

These villains want America to be weakened. They want you to completely forget 9/11 happened. And if they're successful, 9/11's influence on everything will completely disappear, because this is exactly how all this works!

But let's get back to me. I'm like 9/11. I've been attacked by the terrorists - terrorists of the progressive left. They've progressed to strip God away from my country. They've progressed to strip away my rights and take my taxes to pay for Islamic Terrorist Training Centers at Ground Zero. They are trying to knock over my twin towers - for my love of freedom and God are just that, two large spiritual structures. I wouldn't want people forgetting me if these Dumbocrat terrorists were to succeed.

And how dare they speak ill of America anyway? Don't they know that this country could never succeed if there are citizens questioning the values and actions of society? Who's ever heard of a nation getting better when its citizens refuse to accept dogmatic patriotic doctrine as holy and sacred truth? I think these communists are trying to destroy America from within, much like the entire religion of Islam destroyed the Twin Towers (and not like how the entire religion of Christianity destroyed the Middle East multiple times in the Middle Ages - that was different, much different).

No, Patriots. I won't stand for this. I won't let any of those dope smoking, Lady Gaga worshiping, America hating hippies turn 9/11 into a political issue. That's why I want all of you to think of 9/11 when you join a tea party and harass Mexicans and berate Muslims and vote for Sarah Palin in 2012.

That is how we will re-establish faith and honor in our country - through dogmatic closed-mindedness. We have freedom in America, but not the freedom to doubt America. We have no faults. America has never acted wrongly. America is awesome, like Jack Bauer, whose show 24 didn't suck and wasn't absolutely retarded.

Farewell, Patriots. And to all you nay-saying "Americans" who shed tears of joy whenever an American flag is burned by those Arabs in Afghanistan you love so much... I say this: I hate you, for a man and his opinions are inseparable. And God hates your opinions. And I hate your opinions. And God hates you.

Nazi.

-Glenn

9 years later, still a big hole in the ground - that's progress

2010-09-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Nine years and this is all we have to show for it.

We've had nine years of compassion and sympathy, of remembrance and reflection. Nine years of feeling so damn bad for ourselves about 9/11.

Ask a second grader what they know about 9/11 and you probably won't get much, considering none of them were alive in 2001. They'll give you the basic gist their parents have talked about - the U.S. was attacked by terrorists who knocked down these two big buildings and it was very sad.

It was sad. The symbolic meaning of 9/11 is undeniable. The self-proclaimed "Greatest Country in the World" was shown to be very, very susceptible to the right kind of attack. Despite our vast economic, political, and militaristic wealth, a small group of extremists was able to destroy the tallest buildings in America. This was a wake-up call for everyone.

But now here we are, nine years later, and this nation is still groggy from that wake-up call.

The United States is a far worse country since 9/11. We've seen civil liberties stripped from citizens in the name of "national security." Our ludicrous federal government bureaucracy has swollen to an unfathomable (and incredibly inefficient) size. Patriotism has quickly transformed into a laughable political tool.

And the one building in downtown New York that anyone seems to care about is an Islamic community center.

As a country, we're too focused on the Islamic influence on 9/11. The United States is Islamophobic, and I'm not just talking about Koran-burning preachers or Michael Savage.

When I look back and think of the overall effects of 9/11, I can't hold much more contempt for those who acted out the attacks than I do for Professor Plum for his actions in the conservatory with the candlestick. The perpetrator is just another part of the overall equation. Instead of thinking about 9/11 in a universal sense, too many folks just like to focus on the Muslim part. While we couldn't just let those responsible get away with it (catching Professor Plum is part of the game after all), we shouldn't have neglected the many other swirling details and effects of the event.

How is our overall understanding of 9/11 any different from that of the aforementioned 2nd grader? Don't most of us just see 9/11 that way? Shouldn't we have advanced further as a country in 9 years to see see 9/11 as more than just Muslim terrorists who made us sad?

Part of our over-emphasis on the "bad guy," our perpetual preoccupation with Islam, is the comfort we get from our sense of victimization. It makes us feel better about ourselves and all that we do if we continue to believe that somebody had wronged us so much, and continues to pose the threat of wronging us again.

We need to stop feeling so fucking bad for ourselves all the time about 9/11. That sense of "woe is me" has led to nothing good. There are a lot more dead U.S. soldiers from wandering around a desert somewhere than the 3,000-ish civilians who died in the 9/11 attacks. The symbolic meaning of the day cannot be denied, but Hiroshima/Nagasaki this was not.

There's nothing wrong with remembering, but to have every September 11 just be a day where we commemorate the event and cry and feel sorry for our poor selves while there is still a huge hole in the ground means we've missed the point.

Rethinking purpose

2010-09-04T17:58:00.000-07:00

It's funny. My initial purpose for starting this blog was primarily because I really dig Dodger blogs and I thought it'd be fun to get in on the action. The fact that I could practice my writing (since I legitimately felt I had become worse at it the past few years) was a bonus. The ability for me to drop some knowledge every once in a while was merely a secondary goal.

Well last week my roommates and I canceled our cable because we don't watch anything enough to warrant paying as much as TimeWarner charges us for such miserable television service. The Dodgers aren't even interesting to follow anymore, as their ineptitude on the field is only matched in pure awfulness by the farce that is the McCourt trial. The season is almost over, Vin Scully is coming back next season, and I'm apathetic.

And school is back in session. That alone is going to take up a lot of my time. This is mostly because, for the first time, I legitimately feel like a university student. This stems from an array of different things I picked up while abroad - philosophies and opinions, ideas and realizations - that caused be the rethink my role as a scholar. I feel like, after 3 years of running in place, I've finally found my purpose. I'm ready to realize it.

I'm taking German II, Theory of Teaching Writing and Reading, Rhetoric of Religion, StreetWrite (student teaching), and American Lit II. I'm passionate about each class and I'm ready to pulverize the status quo and truly be - wait for it, wait for it, wait for it - intellectual.

For isn't that what a liberal arts college is about in the first place? A place for intellects to come together and learn from each other, a place where knowledge is the ultimate goal.

But in America, knowledge has ceased to be the goal of education. Where and when we lost our way, I'm not quite sure. But the aim of so many college students is no longer to be scholars and intellectuals. The aim is to make the grade. The grade. The grade is the goal of education for America's students.

It stems from our system being so test-based. It stems from the fact that schools have become so competitive. It stems from a bachelor's degree being the standard minimum requirement for a successful career.

But never mind the reasons why - we must focus on the unfortunate truth that education is becoming (if it hasn't already reached this sad point) a sham. People from all age groups - from elementary school to college - have been bred in a way where the ultimate goal is to sustain a solid GPA. That's it. If you graduate high school with a 4.0, you're set.

But how many kids graduate high school with a solid GPA and don't know squat? How surprised would you be if I told you it was quite a few?

It's not enough that the standards we hold students to have become laughably low. Remember when getting an A-grade meant you were truly an exceptional student? Remember when "exceptional" meant what it literally means - an exception to the norm? But when you see how many A-grades are given out, it makes it hard to distinguish between those students who were truly exceptional and those who were simply there every day. We're grouping the prodigies together with the posers.

Our colleges are full of a bunch of idiot who have mastered playing the system. Any idiot can cram the night before and get an A on a test. Any jackass can turn in an extra credit assignment. Most classes have review sessions that are less "let's go over basic ideas" and more "here's the test a day early." I remember in German last semester a specific review session for a midterm or final where my classmates were able to get the format of the test, the contents of each section, and even the exact verbs we would need to be conjugating.

Our purpose for taking the class was to learn basic German so we could function better abroad. The idea of testing us was to assess our progress in understanding basic concepts of the language. Yet come the big day, it was our ability to take a test that was truly being tested. Those of us who took good notes on the test format were guaranteed a good grade. Our actual knowledge or progress up to that point really didn't matter.

I've been developing what I call The Template Theory. My research is nowhere near extensive enough yet to publish my thoughts, but here at the outset I feel like I can explain the basic tenants of my ideas.

So much of the things students are comfortable with in our education system come in template form. The syllabus, class structure, grading scale, etc. etc. etc. - it's all a sort of checklist for success. Many students have been bred to think of education (and life, for that matter) as one big fill-in-the-blank. Students like following directions and meeting expectations. They like order and detailed, definitive lesson plans. This is, after all, the easiest way to memorize and regurgitate information. Our students are excellent at this.

But let's take a look at a hypothetical situation and test this dependence on order. A teacher stands up in front of a class and says, "your one assignment this semester will be to write a research paper expanding on a theme you've learned in my course. It'll be due on my desk the last day of class. Any questions?"

What happens? Naturally, the questions erupt like automatic gunfire. This kind of assignment description would not fly at LMU.

Student 1: "How long does it have to be?"
Trying to assess the professor's expectations.
Professor: "However long it needs to be."
Student 2: "But what's the minimum?"
Coming back to the fact that you need to live up to a professor's expectations.
Professor: "If you think you can write a good research paper in 2 pages - more power to you. It's not quantity that counts, it's quality."
Student 1: "Wait, you're saying it can be 2 pages and I can get an A?"
Professor: "It's not likely, but not necessarily impossible."
Student 2: "Wait. So it has to be more than that? We need to know what you want here."
Failure to realize that this isn't something that ought to be explained further.

Student 3: "What are some possible topics? Will you provide a list?"
Trying to get the prof. to feed you a topic
Professor: "Anything you want. No list."
Student 4: "Well how will we know if our topic is okay?"
Playing to expectations again.
Professor: "Your topic will be okay. It's anything you want."
Student 3: "Do we need citations?"
Asking what should be an obvious question.
Professor: "Of course, this is a research paper."
Student 4: How many do we need?
Professor: "However many you need."
It's safe to say this kind of thing wouldn't fly at LMU.

We're excellent at developing problem solvers. The students all asked questions based on answering their own question: "how am I going to succeed here?"

But we're awful at developing people who think outside the box. My qualm with problem solvers is that they're not idea people. They just absorb information and regurgitate it back out. A ton of my papers for classes in the past 3 years have been based entirely on things said by my professors. I got A's on those papers, encouraging the idea that all I had to do to be successful is just regurgitate the information learned. Rarely have I been challenged to think for myself and write a paper based on something I wasn't just force-fed by Dr. Whatshisface.

So, to make a long story short, I've finally realized my purpose is not to be a drone. I'm going to read all my assignments, I'm going to try and set myself apart.

I want to be exceptional and I know that I don't need someone else's template to get there.

The Battle of Los Angeles

2010-08-30T09:11:00.001-07:00

What a photo.

Today is the first day of Jamie v. Frank..., or is it Frank v. Jamie? For the sake of consistency, I'm going to call it Shithead v. Shithead.

For all your Shithead v. Shithead coverage, make sure you follow www.DodgerDivorce.com. The site's author, Joshua Fisher, has a background in law and has been covering the story for months now on his blog. He's appeared on ESPN Radio, among other places, to discuss the trial. He's also talked to me on Twitter before. Because I'm awesome. Or as awesome as a Twitterer can be...

Regardless - Manny's gone, season's over, and the team looks flat once again after an glimmer of life in Milwaukee.

Aside from Shithead v. Shithead, the other big matchup to look forward to is Mattingly vs. Wallach - as Donnie Baseball and Tim Wallach both appear to be in solid positions to jump into the captain's seat next season.

Be it here resolved that Curse of the Piazza officially endorses Tim Wallach for manager.

And Donnie Baseball for bat boy.

And Jonathan Broxton for Taiwan.

Loaves and Fishes

2010-08-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

Here's something different.

My fraternity volunteered at the Loaves and Fishes Soup Kitchen in Santa Ana yesterday. It was a wonderful time and I hope we go back again soon. We did crafts and played games with the dozens of kids there. I must admit that I expected a sort of two-bit operation (it's run out of an Elementary School), but the whole thing was a gigantic event run by a lot of very motivated people dedicated to feeding hundreds of underprivileged families.

I was proud to be a part of it. Here's a link to the photos I took. Check them out.

The Left Field Pavilion: Beard leads the way

2010-08-28T02:06:00.000-07:00

The Left Field Pavilion: Beard leads the way

M.Brown says all there needs to be said.

This was the first game I've watched in a while - partly because I've decided against making myself sick, partly because I no longer have cable in my apartment (really - I don't watch enough to pay that much per month).

But the Dodgers have put together a nice little string of wins and gained ground in the race.

I'm calling it now - a false hope rally to trump all false hope rallies.

Ain't seen nothing Yhency

2010-08-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

Here's some news on a guy I figured would simply remain a staple of DodgerBlues.com's "Random Dodger" array of stiffs... from MLB Trade Rumors:

The Mets signed former big league reliever Yhency Brazoban out of the Mexican League, according to Matt Eddy of Baseball America. The 30-year-old right-hander enjoyed some success out of the Dodgers' 'pen in 2004-05, but hasn't pitched in the majors since 2008.

Only Omar Minaya.

Vin Scully to Return in 2011!

2010-08-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Vin Scully:

“I’m just honored and humbled to continue my association with the Dodgers, which has been a major part of my life."

He's coming back!

Wonderful news. He's going to do all home games and NL West road games - same deal as this year and year before.

Awesome. Just Awesome.

Here's to Year 62 in the booth, Vin!

----

The Dodgers, in their efforts to dampen this great announcement, claimed fatboy Rod Barajas today from the Mets. He's not good. At all. But he's better than Ellis and Ausmus at this point.

Vin Scully to Make Decision on Future Today

2010-08-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

Make sure you tune in before the game today, as Vin Scully intends to make an announcement regarding his future, according to the Times' T.J. Simers.

"I know what I am going to do and I would imagine the Dodgers will arrange things so an announcement can be made before [Sunday's] game," said Scully, who will be 83 before the start of next season. "I'd like to do that so everyone hears it at the same time. It's the proper way to do it."

The way the situation is handled leads me to believe that, after over 60 years, this is it.

If it is - thank you, Vin.

Slow Week

2010-08-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

My apathy for that miserable ballclub has made this a rather slow week around Curse of the Piazza headquarters. Last night they lost another game where they scored only one run... on a squeeze no less. As much as I love hearing Vin, I can't subject myself to such agony. There's only one word that can adequately describe the 2010 LA Dodgers season.

Seriously - two straight years of being only 3 games away from the World Series and this is the 2010 Dodgers? You can call me "fairweather" or what you will, but there's one thing I'm not and that's a chump. And you'd have to be a chump to continue lapping up this rotten milk.

So instead of lamenting this abortion of a season, find something else to do. I've been active trying to set up some new organizational changes for my fraternity. I've also been listening to a lot of Righteous Brothers... take that as you will.

I can think of at least two dozen terrible things I'd rather do that go to the Ravine, where the level of my game enjoyment, already dwindling year to year, has freefalled in 2010.

Miserable parking.
Miserable concessions.
Miserable stupid fans.
Miserable scoreboard antics.
Miserable singers butchering God Bless America when all I really want to do is stretch.
Miserable, miserable Dodgers.

---

My sister, as some of you know, is a hell of a singer.
Check out these two videos:
Meghan Montenegro sings "I Ain't Got You"
Meghan Montenegro sings "Hurt"

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I built a new website for my chapter of ADG. It is here: ADGLambda.com

2010 Dodgers Season

2010-08-18T23:59:00.001-07:00

There's nothing else to say.

Final Thoughts on KC

2010-08-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

I was pleasantly surprised with Kansas City as a town - there's a lot more to it than barbecue (though that's not to say the barbecue isn't to die for, because it most certainly is).

KC is cheap, the people are friendly, and the nightlife is kickin'. There is plenty to do and see when it comes to sports, museums, and bars. My biggest regret was missing the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum (despite the fact I repeatedly posted here that I was heading to see it on any number of days). I did, though, catch the National World War I Memorial and Museum and the Nelson-Atkins Museum, both with some amazing displays and atmospheres.

Despite the sweltering heat, I managed to get in a 5K run, Ultimate Frisbee competition, and my own little jog to Kansas the state, the border between it and Missouri located only a mile and a half west of the hotel. I think that's the only time I've ever crossed state line on foot, though the border between California and Nevada in Primm might go through the outlet mall there and could have been my real first. It's too close to call though.

The hotel was probably one of the best I've ever stayed at - a fact reinforced by its high-profile guests during my time there: The New York Yankees. When they weren't pounding the Royals, the Bronx Bombers were attracting hordes of fans, shutting down the elevators, and plain moseying around the lobby with a 7-ft behemoth of a security guard keeping watchful eye.

Throughout the week I spotted Joe Girardi, Mariano Rivera (and his 11 kids), Jorge Posada, and Andy Pettitte in one form or another. The hotel was very strict about its "no privacy invasions" policy so I never offered more than a nice polite smile. The entire week there were tons of Yankee fans, often in father and son combos, itching for a stray photo or autograph. I never saw anyone fortunate enough to come away with anything.

Overall, despite the fact I sweat enough to fill the Missouri River basin, I really enjoyed Kansas City. It's the closest to the South I've ever spent an extended period of time and I definitely felt the trickles of the famous Southern Hospitality wherever I was. The fellows at ADG Zeta chapter did a great job at making us all feel at home and I look forward to going back and seeing all I didn't get to see the first time.

Photos

National World War I Museum

Freak T-Storm amidst 103 degree weather

Kansas City - City of Fountains

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The Dodgers did the unthinkable yesterday. Yes - they did implode in the 9th again but that's come to be expected. The unthinkable thing is that they signed their previously unsignable first-rounder, Zach Lee. His picture below shows him doing what most people figured he'd be doing this fall - throwing the football.

Lee spurned LSU at the last minute and agreed to his contract shortly before the deadline yesterday evening. The Dodgers shelling out $5 million for a draft pick seems completely absurd considering their recent tight-pocketed antics. Naturally, the $5 million is spread out over five years, a signature McCourt move - why pay now when you can try and pay later? This is the guy who bought the team on credit and has since lost most of his collateral.

Still, the Lee signing serves as a small glimmer of hope for Dodger fans, who were treated to another bullpen implosion last night against the Braves, this time thanks to Hong-Chih Kuo (first time I've had to use his name negatively in a long while) and Octavio Dotel. The biggest mistake was by Joe Torre, trying to stretch his new closer to get a two-inning save. The man is completely inept at the helm of this team.

Meanwhile James McDonald pitched 6 innings of 1-run ball. There has been talk around the Pirates organization that they cannot believe what the Dodgers staff were making McDonald do in his development. Considering the fact that the Torre/Little/Honeycutt era of on-field management has only been able to develop two starters - Billingsley and Kershaw - while completely whiffing on guys like McDonald, Elbert, and Ely - reinforces so many common criticisms.

The biggest problem I have is that young pitchers are completely shelved at the first sign of trouble. Ely had a miraculous run earlier this year and, instead of giving him the chance to make adjustments when the league began to figure him out, Colletti shipped him back to the hell hole in Albuquerque.

Their treatment of young talent is stupefying, especially since they've been willing to keep players with "veteran presence" on the roster for days, weeks, and sometimes months longer than they should have.

This season has been a laugher - and as TheLFP.com perfectly puts it, the Zach Lee signing is just like putting sprinkles on a giant turd.

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Meanwhile, the Dodgers have been paying themselves a ridiculous amount of rent to play in the stadium they own.

Deadspin and Dodger Divorce address this issue - just another in a long line of McCourt douchebaggery.

Kauffman Stadium Review

2010-08-16T15:29:00.001-07:00

I got back yesterday from the ADG Convention in Kansas City. There are plenty of photos of beautiful Kauffman Stadium at the end of this post.

I was completely struck at how different Kauffman is compared to every other Major League ballpark I've ever visited. Perhaps the Royals play like a Triple-A team not because they are the Royals, but because everything about the Kansas City baseball experience bleeds minor leagues. The fans at Kauffman (which was about 70% Yankees fans - not a hyperbole) make up the whitest, most comatose crowd of fans in all of baseball. They make the Orange County metrosexuals behind the Angels dugout look like the Bleacher Creatures of Yankee Stadium.

The place is definitely built upon the foundation of Mid-Western family values. One of the guys in my large group was threatened by an usher for using the word "sucks." Jumbotron shenanigans included the Hi-Five Cam, the Jump Cam, and the John Deere tractor race.

They had a Garth Brooks sing-a-long in the 5th inning. Garth fucking Brooks.

And while the Dodgers were blowing an 8-run 8th inning lead in Philadelphia, I was sweating balls in the 100 degree Missouri humidor.

This is not to say that Kauffman Stadium is not a wonderful venue. Fresh off a $250 million renovation a couple years ago, the place is a beautiful and unique ballpark. The famous fountain works in the outfield are now accessible to fans (and lit up during the night, a nice touch). Fountain seats are available where the mist from the between-inning water shows keeps fans cool in the scorching sun. Since the Royals are absolute garbage, I was able to sit in these seats for an inning and must say it is a definite recommendation for an August game.

The stadium seems small and, compared to behemoths like Miller Park and Dodger Stadium, it is. Still it seats 39,000 (less than before the renovation), many of those seats near the field of play. You can walk all the way around the lower concourse behind the fountains, allowing for some interesting sight lines and good photo opportunities. From up above, the highway beyond the outfield is a huge eyesore (not to mention signs for Denny's and Taco Bell in the distance).

While the atmosphere seems minor league, I was surprised to see the concessions and prices were all very, very major league. It seems insulting that the Royals can charge $20 for a seat in the left field upper deck to see the likes of Jason Kendall and Willie Bloomquist. Beer is no cheaper than $7 for a small. Food, while the selection is impressive, is priced just about as heinously as Dodger Stadium. My soft-serve ice cream in a mini KC helmet cost me $6.

Still, despite its flaws (the biggest being the Royals), Kauffman Stadium was a fun experience. Tailgating before the game is a definite (something I wish we could do in LA). Buy a cheap ticket and then sit wherever you like. Even when the Yanks were in town, the stadium was half-empty.

Kauffman Stadium as it looked before the renovation:

Now:

Photos
Arrowhead Stadium right next door.

Kauffman

First Base Gate

View from Concourse

View from empty first base line seats

Behind Right Field

My Buddy Jim and the famous KC Fountain

George Brett

Loving the mist

Behind scoreboard

Left field

Upper Concourse

Garth

Concourse

Updates from KC

2010-08-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

It turns out the conference hotel is also the New York Yankees' hotel, as Yankees skipper Joe Girardi was chilling out in the lobby about an hour ago.

Kansas City surprised me. It's safe and clean, sports some really cool aesthetics, and comes off as a surprisingly modern town. Also, the bbq is brilliant. There is only one city in the world that has more fountains than Kansas City - Venice.

Today I'll be visiting the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum and Kauffman Stadium, where the aforementioned Girardi will lead the mighty Yanks into battle against the peasant militia of baseball, the Kansas City Royals.

I hear the Dodgers were the Dodgers the last few days... score 15 runs one night, get shut out the next. Naturally.

In Search of BBQ and Lucas May

2010-08-09T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'm heading to Kansas City tomorrow for a fraternity conference. I take off at around 6 p.m. L.A. time, wait in the airport at Dallas for 7 hours, then hop on up to KC. I'll be taking in the Thursday night Royals/Yanks game. I also hope to visit the Negro League Baseball Museum.

I'd love to say that I'll come back with a whole load of photos, but my camera was one of many casualties at Dodgers Single's Night. I might try and get a temporary fix - I'm a photo maniac. I went to Milwaukee last season and must have taken over 100 photos at Miller Park.

Updates will be sparse, but I'll try and keep my Twitter going. The weather forecast, on a scale from "not miserable at all" to "George Sherrill warming up in the bullpen," is at the point where Honeycut gets on the phone to tell Kenny Howell that the left-handed fatass (as opposed to the right-handed one), should warm up should a tied game go into the 9th.

At least there will be KC barbecue. Oh, will there be barbecue. Hopefully it'll distract me from the Dodgers/Phils series, because I know the Boys in Blue will take full advantage of missing both Hamels and Halladay by getting swept.

EDIT - purchased a small dinky camera at Walgreens. Should at least let me get some photos.

Oh Glorious Day!

2010-08-09T09:24:00.001-07:00

Mike Piazza's Tragic Illness really says all there is to say about the DFA of Dodger Incompetence Poster Boy, Garret Anderson.

Meanwhile, I went to the game yesterday and watched a rare offensive surge from the Dodger scrubs, highlighted by Jamey Carroll getting on base a million times and Matt KKKKemp donning the golden sombrero.

The Dodgers won 8-3, Ted Lilly got his second straight win, and new Dodger legend Jay Gibbons got a pinch-hit RBI single in his first Dodgers at-bat. Reed Johnson later came up with a 2 RBI single in the pinch, Carroll just managing to dodge the catcher's tag to bring home run number eight. How fitting that the day Garret Anderson gets the hook Dodgers pinch-hitters go 2-2 with 3 RBIs.

I brought my German friends, who were amazed at how empty the stadium was. They never announced the attendance.

Dodgers W-L post-GA: 1-0

Summer Reading

2010-08-07T14:28:00.001-07:00

I consider myself a relatively healthy reader. My high school journalism teacher (and now good friend) challenged me to put my English Major money where my mouth was and read as much as she does. She's zoomed through fifteen books so far. I'm glad to say my summer reading list is at least half the size of hers.

Here's what I have:

Books Read This Summer:
Ball Four by Jim Bouton
Dreaming in Cuban by Cristina García
Moneyball by Michael Lewis
Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk
Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut*
Squeeze Play by Jane Leahy
Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger

Currently Reading:
Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut

On Deck:
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
The Secret Life of Cyndy Garvey by Cyndy Garvey and Andy Meisler
Hawaiian Blood by J. Kehaulani Kauanui
Here Come the Regulars by Ian Anderson

*Re-read

Ball Four and Squeeze Play were my favorite new reads. Cat's Cradle is my all-time favorite.

It's a challenge to keep up good reading habits. Our lives are so fast-paced with so little time left to ourselves. But that doesn't mean we're not always taking advantage of our free time. I try to keep a book on me at all times to get the most out of my day. I'm able to knock pages out on the exercise bike at the gym or when waiting for an appointment or simply as a passenger in a vehicle.

You have to keep a rhythm to your book order. This is not like a batting order where you put all your big boppers in the middle. I wouldn't read a book like Ulysses after finishing a Dostoevsky novel. That's just masochistic. I enjoy interspersing baseball novels and nonfiction, re-reads, and soft literature into my routine. Pygmy and Franny and Zooey are both dense, difficult reads in vastly different ways. Following them up with a straight-forward Vonnegut is like cleansing your palate after sampling an especially bitter (or sweet) wine.

I recommend all the books I've read so far - well, maybe except for Salinger, because he's so miserably mopey all the time.

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Single's Night Update

I'll post some photos once I can. I'd would now but my camera was one of many casualties of the disaster that was the wretched Dodger Stadium single's night.

Here's a basic summary of my updates:

-Number of girls with sharpied eyebrows... 4 and counting.
-Hottest girl wearing a Cubs shirt.
-Everyone here is Mexican. Everyone.
-The Dodgers are a miserable, miserable team.
-Single's Night Realization - Dunn and Kershaw not compatable.
-Ashamed

We did sample the local nightlife at a wonderful little joint called The Short Stop, an excellent place to hang out before and after games. Plus, there's enough relatively safe parking nearby so you can make the ten minute walk to the stadium and save $15 on parking.

Unfortunately, I didn't pay too much attention to the game.

Fortunately, I didn't pay too much attention to the game.

I can tell you Dunn was a monster, Kemp wasn't, and Andre looks like he might be coming around again... just a little too late. I'll be going to the game tomorrow - probably the last one I'll go to this season. I'm completely over the Dodgers right now.

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I'll be off to Kansas City for ADG convention. I'll have the great benefit of catching a game at the newly renovated Kauffman Stadium. I'm very excited and will (hopefully) be able to provide pics and a review of the beautifully redesigned ballpark. And the BBQ... oh the BBQ.

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Finally, watch this:

Singles Night at Dodger Stadium

2010-08-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

I'll be providing live coverage via Twitter tonight from Singles Night tonight at the Ravine.

I feel that's a fitting name, since you certainly wouldn't find anything called Doubles Night, Triples Night, Home Run Night, or Score Some Goddamn Runs Night up at Dodger Stadium.

The team got shutout again last night, wasting another solid start by Chad Billingsley. The defense was a big culprit Thursday, as Casey Blake and Scott Podsednik did their best to ensure Padre victories. After blowing up for 9 runs on Wednesday, the Dodgers answered back against the Padres' worst starter, Kevin Correia, with a big fat goose egg. Garret Anderson was able to make two of the Dodgers' 27 outs and Andre Ethier had to play an inning of first base for the first time in his professional career.

Just grand.

This really says all there is to say about last night:

Credit for that goes to Chad Moriyama over at Memories of Kevin Malone.

Dodgers W-L with J.Mart on DL: 1-1

As for Single's Night, it's sure to be a sausagefest, with the only girls being some trashy cholas (and certainly not either of the señoritas pictured above). Tune in for live coverage of the night, including some fine observations about the girls who could probably put up better numbers (while downing more hot dogs) than Ronnie Belliard and details of every epic fail. One thing is for sure, the fans have a better chance of scoring tonight than the team.

Oh, that's right, there's a ballgame too, but since we'll be facing the daunting Washington Nationals, my bold prediction is an 8-1 loss, the 1 from a Garret Anderson sacrifice fly that will ensure him a spot on the team for the rest of the season.

That's Dodger Baseball.